Good news from the world of the Awful Human Being. This last weekend I got engaged to the woman who will from here on out be known as the Awful Fiancé. I don’t really think that fits, but for the sake of consistency and the column, it’s going to have to work. My lack of columns lately has been a direct result of working extra hours at my two jobs to afford the ring, so now that I’ve brought her into my awful world, I can get back to the business of pissing you all off on a weekly basis.
That being said, this column is about the NBA All-Star game this year. I’m hoping you will appreciate knowing what is going on in the National Basketball Association outside of Cleveland, where the greatly overrated LeBron James is currently leading the Cavaliers into mediocrity before he jumps to New York in a few years. Ahhhh that feels better. My place on the site feels secure once again.
I’m going to take you through the schedule for the weekend and put in my thoughts on the rosters for the game.
Friday night gives us the most undisciplined basketball game outside of the McDonald’s All-American game; the T-Mobile Rookie Challenge (Remember, I’m a shill for corporate sponsors). The point of this game is to throw all the talented rookies on one team against all the talented second year players on the other team. If these guys actually played a hard game, took it seriously, this could be even more interesting than the actual All-Star game itself. These guys are the future of the league, and seeing them go head-to-head against one another makes me feel absolutely giddy. But alas, we are doomed for a non-stop array of lapse defense, uncontested long range bombs, and guys just hoping that they don’t get dunked on. But, with these two classes, the future of the NBA looks bright.
The rookies are paced by Kevin Durant, who will be the most dominant player in the NBA in five years. Durant, despite his lackluster field goal percentage (hovering around .400) still fills it up to the tune of around twenty points a game. Durant is going to be flanked by Al Horford, Chairman Yi, and Mike Conley. If Greg Oden weren’t a porcelain doll, this game would be really interesting.
The second year pros sport Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Rudy Gay. There is just simply too much talent on this squad for the rookies to hold it together. The draft class of 2006 is one of the best in recent memories, and while the class of 2007 has more upside potential, this class of 2006 is solid already.
Saturday is everyone’s favorite day: The slam-dunk contest and the three-point shootout. Unfortunately nobody cares about either of these events anymore, evidence of that being they haven’t even announced who is participating in the event yet. Since they haven’t announced anyone yet, I’m going to go on a limb and predict that Larry Bird and Craig Hodges will meet in the finals, with Larry Legend prevailing in the end. It’s just a hunch, but I’m usually right.
The slam dunk contest at least has some guys announced for the event. The headliner is Dwight Howard, who has to be the only actual All-Star involved in this contest in the last ten years. Gerald Green, the defending champion, as an absolute athletic phenomenon. He has a near fifty inch vertical leap with freakish fluidity for a guy who is 6-8. My pick for the contest though, is the oldest rookie in the NBA, Jamario Moon. Moon, a former Harlem Globetrotter, could be the only guy in the NBA with a higher vertical than Green. I figure that it’s a safe bet that Moon learned a thing or two in his time with the Globetrotters, which I believe will push him over the top.
Finally, Sunday brings us the actual All-Star game. Since the starters have already been announced, I’ll fill out each roster and make my prediction. As usual, the West is ridiculously deep, and their twelfth man could be starting for the East. A quick question before we get too deep in this column. What happens if the rumors are true and Jason Kidd gets traded to Dallas before the break? Since the fans selected him in the East, does he still play?
The West Starters
G – Allen Iverson (Denver)
G – Kobe Bryant (Los Angeles)
F – Carmelo Anthony (Denver)
F – Tim Duncan (San Antonio)
C – Yao Ming (Houston)
Reserves:
G – Chris Paul (New Orleans)
G – Steve Nash (Phoenix)
G – Baron Davis (Golden State)
F – Dirk Nowitzki (Dallas)
F – Carlos Boozer (Utah)
C – Marcus Camby (Denver)
C – Amare Stoudemire (Phoenix)
The East Starters
G – Jason Kidd (New Jersey)
G – Dwayne Wade (Miami)
F – LeBron James (Cleveland)
F – Kevin Garnett (Boston)
C – Dwight Howard (Orlando)
Reserves:
G/F - Paul Pierce (Boston)
G – Chauncey Billups (Detroit)
G – Michael Redd (Milwaukee)
F – Chris Bosh (Toronto)
F – Gerald Wallace (Charlotte)
F – Caron Butler (Washington)
C – Rasheed Wallace (Detroit)
There you have it. Rasheed Wallace basically gets on there by default due to the dearth of centers in the Eastern Conference, but they need at least one more big body in there. Even on paper you can see how horribly mismatched this game is. While the All-Star game is always entertaining to watch, this year it could get ugly in a hurry.
AHB’s Prediction: West 147 – East 120
Unprecedented. I’ve never seen anyone make All-Star predictions AFTER the complete rosters came out the night before. Bold move.
You just wrote a whole article just so you could say that Lebron was overrated. You are now the Skip Bayless of Sawkick, congrats.
If it’s possible, you are actually a bigger douche than MoneyMike. At least he makes claims that are outrageous to be funny. You make them… why, again? LeBron is leading the league in scoring and fourth quarter points. His team lost to Seattle when he didn’t play. Douche, douche, douche.
In all fairness, I wrote the column the day before the rosters came out.
LeBron is the second best player in the NBA (Kobe Bryant) but I couldn’t resist making a dig at Cleveland sports. Daniel Gibson is the only other Cav that I noticed that will be involved with All Star Weekend, so there you go.
And as you can see by the comments, plan well executed