Saw*Kick Media

Last season around the NBA All-Star game I made several fearless predictions like the Cavs would win 50 games and the Suns would win the title. Because I was exactly right about the Cavs, I have decided to never make predications again.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t take some time out to grade each of the Calves (yep, they’re so short-handed right now I refuse to acknowledge the team that got dismantled by the Nuggets last night at home as the Cavs) by sending home an interim report to their parents.

Without further adieu, let’s dive in and judge harshly. I have listed the roster in alphabetical order so Devin Brown as least feels like you skimmed over his grade on your way to check LeBron’s score before clicking back to 89.com. Remember, a grade is a reflection of the player’s overall performance based on the test given to him this year. Therefore a guy like Ira Newble plays less than Larry Hughes, but he earns a higher grade than Larry because he’s certainly performed well in the meager tasks assigned by the team.

Devin Brown – In his first year with the wine and gold (yes, I’ve given in to all the speech habits of Fred McLeod and Austin Carr at this point in the season. Consequently I’m taking this S*KM-Train to the hole), Brown’s role has been undefined at best. He’s played in 46 games, averaging just more than six points and three boards, but Mike Brown occasionally leaves him on the bench when it seems the Cavs could really use his boost in scoring.

Overall he’s been unimpressive, but he’s never looked terrible (the definition of terrible currently is having a layup attempt swatted against the Hawks and then missing a wide open layup against the Nuggets in your next scoring opportunity). He is a high energy guy who understands Mike Brown’s system better than just about anyone on the team. Given a chance to play 25 minutes a game – he currently gets about 20 – he could probably round into a nice 10/5 guy off the bench.
Overall grade: B -

Shannon Brown – Did you know that Shannon Brown weighs 95,7 kilograms? It’s true.

And that’s the nicest thing that I have to say about him. Early in the season I was upset when the Cavs didn’t pick up Brown’s option year. I figured that he was an explosive scorer with a big learning curve and he’d end up rounding into form right about now and we’d be powerless to keep him. Then I saw him start four games this year. Let’s just say that decision gives Danny Ferry a one point edge in our battle to see who knows more about basketball.

Another Shannon Brown related note you kids might enjoy - I got an e-mail from Double C over the weekend and he asked me two questions worth considering: ‘Is Shannon Brown really THIS bad? All I’m asking is if Shannon Brown is THAT bad.’

Fair question. Now to the grade…
Overall grade: D -

Daniel Gibson – Boobie has done everything that has been asked of him and more this season. He’s made 26 starts, but he’s also come off the bench as the sixth or seventh man; he’s improved his three-point percentage and his free three percentage from a season ago; and he’s worked to make himself a force on defense with quick hands and feet to overcome his relative lack of strength and size. He’s the winner for biggest one-year jump on this Cavs team, averaging 11.6 points and 2.6 assists per game in his sophomore season.
Overall grade: B+

Drew Gooden – When I talk about Drew Gooden I like to talk about his focus, his drive and his attention to… um… you know. What were we talking about again?

I can’t remember because I just zoned out for the last 15 offensive possessions.

Look, Gooden is a guy I thought we could fix here in Cleveland. The knock on him early in his pro career was that there were motivation and concentration issues. I assumed playing with LeBron would shuffle that problem loose - and it did, temporarily. Suddenly those problems are back, though, and Gooden will disappear during crunch offensive series. At the start of the season MoneyMike foretold doom on Gooden and the Cavs’ season because Gooden not only shaved his hair thatch, but he also took time to do an interview with ESPN.com Page2 columnist Jemelle Hill. Hill, now a regular on ESPN television programming as well, is the epitome of the problems at The Network. She does no tangible reporting, yet she is in a position to thrust her opinion on the nation. Perhaps if she covered one NBA game the curse she put on Drew could be undone.
Overall grade – C+

Larry Hughes – Larry Hughes plays for the Cavs. That’s the positive thing that I am going to say about him. What that means is he is an NBA player playing on an NBA team. Consequently, he must have some sort of skill at the game that we are not seeing when he goes out and shoots 35.5 percent from the floor.

Time and again I’ve tried to remove his contract from the equation, but I can’t. When you make the money Larry does (he makes roughly 424 times what I do at my day job), the bar of expectation is set at all-star and the bar of acceptable performance is set at slightly above mediocre. Hughes would tear tendons in his leg trying to jump up and touch either with a broken finger.
Overall grade – D+

Zydrunas Ilgauskas – If you would have told me when LeBron was first drafted that in 2008 Z would still be his right hand man and the team’s second leading scorer I would have pulled out my best ‘Z’ impression (which sounds like Drago from Rocky IV) and said, ‘I will brake you.’ There is no way that anyone could have predicted the longevity and durability Z would provide to this team for more than a decade.

Beyond playing through his foot injuries and his clunky, oversized white guy frame, Z has become a steadier outside shooter each year of his career and is the premier free-throw shooting big man of this generation, hitting 82.4 percent from the stripe. His lumbering attempt to get down the floor before the 24-second clock expires and his slow feet on defense can often drive fans crazy, but his efficiency is remarkable. There are two guys on this team who deserve consideration for the NBA All-Star game and both should earn that recognition because with them you know what you get and they very rarely let you down.
Overall grade – A-

LeBron James – What more can you say about the L-Train? He goes 30/7/7 every night. He leads the NBA in fourth quarter scoring. He wins games by putting the ball in his hands against anyone, but he’s also willing to trust his teammates.

For a few years now I’d argued that LeBron was 1a to Kobe’s No. 1 on the list of the NBA’s best. This year LeBron has turned that argument on its ear by outplaying Kobe on every level – particularly when the two meet face to face. MVP chants from fans are often overused on the team’s best player regardless of merit. At this point, however, they ought to start chanting it in other arenas when this guy walks in. He’s the best in the game today, no further comment. And, yes, I am hoping he asks me to prom for writing all these high school newspaperish things about him.

Overall grade – A++ (he got extra credit for shutting up a fan in Portland last month)

Damon Jones – For the two people still reading now that we’re done with LeBron, I think we should all now take the time to thank Damon Jones for becoming an NBA player this year. After sulking last year and finding himself buried deep on the bench early this season because he asked for a trade, Jones has rounded into a nice guy to have in the middle portion of your bench. Moreover, he’ played well as the team has battled through so many injuries.

His shot is still inconsistent, but he’s over 40 percent from behind the arc. He gives the Cavs a decent option for stretches of bench play, though he’ll never win an award for his defense or passing prowess.
Overall grade – C

Dwayne Jones – Dwayne Jones seems like a really nice guy, doesn’t he? Whenever I watch ‘Access Cavaliers’ the embarrassing show that looks behind the scenes of the Cavaliers (which really means they follow the team to PG-rated parties and then add in shots of McLeod doing really awkward interviews with fans who arrive to the Q early), Jones ends up getting some air time and he comes across as witty and down-to-earth. I hear he also plays basketball.

When and where he plays basketball I don’t know, but it’s not for Mike Brown’s rotation. Jones has found himself buried on the bench during critical games this year – he’s played in just 35 games overall – and he has more DNPCDs than assists. When he does play his athleticism shows, but it’s hard to get a feel for his overall ability when he plays 20 minutes in a blowout and then spends six days on the bench. Overall he looks flustered in minutes that count and would be worthy of an incomplete, but he’s played in 70 percent of the Cavs’ games this season.
Overall grade – C -

Donyell Marshall – Donyell is another guy who may be worthy of an incomplete, but I’m not going to give him one. Because his role on this team is established, I’m going to grade his performance coming back from injury against his expected performance. Is that too harsh? Yes, but I’ve already had to write about Larry, Drew and Shannon Brown this week so I’m fresh out of kindness. Here’s what I expected from Donyell Marshall through the first 50 games of the season: 40gp, 10ppg, 4.5rpg. Here’s what I got: 7gp, 3.0ppg, 2.6rpg.

Add to that the fact that he tried to play one game without a jersey and you have a guy who is just trying to ride out the end of his career on a good team. I will give him a slight curve for his injury, but it will be lost because he was underwhelming last season when he was healthy.
Overall grade – D

Ira Newble – Few players have earned their way back into my good graces the way Ira Newble has this season. His role had been undefined, like so many others, as this team has been hit with injuries. Still, he provides a strong defensive presence whenever he’s thrown into the game and he can make a decent offensive impact around the basket. Moreover, he’s still a strong enough player to start in a pinch, even when he hasn’t played in a while – a true testament to that is that he’s started nine of the 37 games he’s played in this season.
Overall grade – B

Sasha Pavlovic – Grading Sasha was one of the hardest tasks on this report card. He’s been hurt and he had to get himself into shape because of a holdout. Once he came back he looked like a dead duck until it became time for the annual Sasha Cock Tease where he plays like he might be the second-best scorer on this team. Unfortunately the cock tease was cut short this year by injury, preventing a full column on this amazing event.

So where does that leave us? Certainly we can all feel disappointed in Sasha’s limited play when he came back, as he spent the first 12-15 games acting like he’d never driven to the hoop before. And while I’d like to give him the credit to say he was rounding into form before his injury, the only reason he was out of form was his holdout – something he could control.
Overall grade – C

Cedric Simmons – If he was sitting down at a nightclub, is it possible you could sit down next to Simmons after a few drinks and start BSing about the Cavs without knowing who he was? The answer is yes. In fact, I want you to tell me his uniform number right now without looking it up.

Can’t guess? It’s 15. In the seven games that he’s played this year I’ve said the same thing aloud seven times, ‘Who is number 15?’ Then, after I watch him fumble around on offense just once, I remember that it’s Simmons. He is the one guy on this team truly worthy of an incomplete.
Overall grade – INCOMPLETE

Eric Snow – Eric Snow is all done. Like Marshall, he’s ending his career coming off the bench and underperforming. Unlike Marshall, however, Snow is still a good team guy. His skills have eroded, but whenever Mike Brown dusts him off and throws him on the court he still gives it his best shot.

Unfortunately his best shot is a layup and he either misses those on his own or has them swatted into the first row of the stands. Giving Snow a bad grade would be impossible because he has been given almost no responsibility in this offense. Still, he’s supposed to be a help on defense and he’s no longer able to do that.
Overall grade – C

Anderson Varejao – Anderson Varejao could have an A right now, I want you to know that. When it comes to overall improvements made Andy is near the top of the team. He knew his offense was an issue, so he worked on his jumper during the summer and came back with a mid-range jumper that was formally upgraded from ‘Just Awful’ to ‘Terrible’ last month. Add in his energy and his defensive annoyance factor and you have a guy who was playing his way to big money.

But where his grade fails is in the preseason holdout. While Andy was able to come in and perform at a much higher rate than Sasha, his holdout was silly. He may have been playing himself into big money this year, but he hadn’t earned it before now. Because his eyes got a little too big for Danny Ferry’s wallet this team struggled defensively early in the season.
Overall grade – B-

Mike Brown – A lot of fans dislike Mike Brown because he comes off as rather cold and his defensive obsession ends up stymieing the offense. Wait, did I say a lot of people dislike him for that reason or did I say that’s why I dislike him? Either way.

But while I find his personality hard to tolerate at times, I have to admit that by this time each season his team stops crying about the slow offense and buckles down on defense. As a result the Cavs have had three straight solid Januarys (they won 11 games this January). Editing out last night’s six-man performance against the Nuggets, February will be the month where Brown really earns his grade, but his mark so far is based on the fact that this team has been short-handed all season and is still the No. 4 seed in the East.
Overall grade – B

-MoneyMike will be happy to assign you a grade on your life. Just send him the following information: Are you employed? Do you live in your parents’ basement? Does your job title end with the word cashier? When did you last have a date? Was that date set up by someone in your family? How many hours of television did you watch on Saturday evening?

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