Saw*Kick Media

In a college bowl season that can only be described as unsatisfying, I had a chance to watch at least some of every single bowl game on the slate this year. I did this for one reason; to make sure that I had something to write about after a lengthy writing sabbatical. Thank you grad school for killing my love to write.

Also, I promise, sometime in the next year, you will see/hear the debut of the Awful Podcast. I’m going to have a co-host that is going to be the funniest voice on this website. Trust me on that.

So, without further adieu, here is my bowl-by-bowl wrap up.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
Utah 35
Navy 32

Awful Analysis: Utah now boasts a seven game bowl winning streak. Where was this Utah team earlier in the season? Where was this Navy team when they played Notre Dame? I will admit this about the Naval Academy … nothing gets me more fired up than seeing a team run the triple option. Next year we are going to see Kyle Wittingham’s name pop up for all the big time openings.

R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Florida Atlantic 44
Memphis 27

Awful Analysis: I’m pretty sure that this game was played in a vacuum. Florida Atlantic, a program nobody has heard of wallops Memphis, a program nobody cares about. Bonus points to Florida Atlantic quarterback Rusty Smith for being named “Rusty”.

Papajohns.com Bowl
Cincinnati 31
Southern Miss 21

Awful Analysis: My favorite part about putting the sponsorships in the bowl game titles are the shameless plugs that litter the screen throughout the game. During this one we were hearing things like, “Boy the Cincinnati defense just smothered that ball carrier … just like how Papa John’s smothers their cheese all over their award winning crust.” I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I’m American and therefore a capitalist, shameless corporate plugs make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

New Mexico Bowl
New Mexico 23
Nevada 0

Awful Analysis: Wait, New Mexico is playing in the New Mexico Bowl? Next you are going to tell me that two teams from Texas played in the Texas Bowl! Nevada’s “Pistol” offense was shooting blanks against a tough New Mexico defense all night. I think i fell asleep three times watching this one.

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl
BYU 17
UCLA 16

Awful Analysis: I think in our bowl pick em’ I took UCLA because the thought of all those 18-24 year old Mormons in Sin City was too much for me to handle. I’m impressed that they stayed the course and were able to steer clear of the temptations of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
East Carolina 41
Boise State 38

Awful Analysis: Lou Holtz claims that the coaching job performed by Pirate head man Skip umm Holtz, was the best of the bowl season. Who am I to argue with the great Lou Holtz? I’ll tell you this, if it’s one thing I appreciate more than anything, it’s these great impartial analysts like Holtz and everyone’s favorite Mark May. The reality of this game is that Boise State imploded.

Motor City Bowl
Purdue 51
Central Michigan 48

Awful Analysis: A victory for the Big 10 … Hazaa! It was against a slightly above average MAC team, but hey, a win is a win during bowl season for the Big 10. A national audience finally got a chance to be exposed to one of the better kept secrets in college football in Central quarterback Dan LeFevour, whose stat line was Madden-esque (292 passing yards, 4 TD’s; 114 rushing yards, 2 TD’s).

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl
Texas 52
Arizona State 34

Awful Analysis: I was actually really looking forward to this game, but it failed to live up to all expectations. I really was very dissapointed by this game. The biggest story of the game was about a coach who didn’t touch a football on the sideline. The following “did he touch it or didn’t he touch it” interviews and stories were awful. It reminded me of the whole Clinton/Lewinsky saga, only less messy.

Champs Sports Bowl
Boston College 24
Michigan State 21

Awful Analysis: Matt Ryan got to audition to be the next whipping boy in Atlanta, and that’s all I really have to say about this game. It was sloppily played by both sides and was really just a bore to watch. Michigan State, in a few years, will be knocking on the door of the Big 10, that I will promise. D’Antonio is a solid coach, if they can keep him there, they will be just fine.

Texas Bowl
TCU 20
Houston 13

Awful Analysis: Wait, two teams from Texas DID play in the Texas Bowl? That is absolutely crazy! Anyways, after Art Briles jumped ship, Houston was a dead man walking, which is appropriate considering Texas’s stance on the death penalty.

Emerald Bowl
Oregon State 21
Maryland 14

Awful Analysis: Oregon State is a really good quarterback away from knocking on the door of Oregon and USC in the Pac 10, which isn’t as bad of a conference as we all thought. Maryland is extremely consistent, but how long will consistent keep the Fridge’s job? They either need to break out or go away … click clack.

Meineke Car Care Bowl
Wake Forest 24
UConn 10

Awful Analysis: I take my care to Monroe to get it serviced, in fact while this game was going on, I had new shocks put on my car. Anyways, Jim Grobe decided to keep his pressure free job where everyone is happy with on the doorstep of being a difference maker in college football. It’s good work if you can get it I guess.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl
Mississippi State 10
UCF 3

Awful Analysis: I was honestly disappointed that the amazing Kevin Smith didn’t get a chance to break Barry Sanders’s rushing record. He’s a special back that is going to do some great things in the NFL. I look for him to be a late first/early second round steal. Sly Croom gets to keep his job for another year, hooray for him!

Valero Alamo Bowl
Penn State 24
Texas A&M 17

Awful Analysis: The team with a corpse for a coach outlasts the team that didn’t have a coach. I think we need to make some sort of provision that if your team is going through a coaching change, other than a coach retiring, you are not allowed to play in a bowl game. Almost all of the teams going through changes were soundly defeated in their bowl games, it was just silly.

PetroSun Independence Bowl
Alabama 30
Colorado 24

Awful Analysis: If you have read any of my weekly columns, you know of my hatred for Nick Saban. If my hate for Saban was a renewable energy source (see sponsor of bowl to understand joke), we wouldn’t be in Iraq right now. It still cracks me up how the Bama’ Boosters are all fired up about this, Saban got his bowl win baby! It was the goddamn Sun Bowl.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
California 42
Air Force 36

Awful Analysis: If Air Force quarterback (and Ohio native) Shaun Carney hadn’t screwed up his knee early in the game, Air Force would have won this one going away. I really honestly firmly believe that.

Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl
Fresno State 40
Georgia Tech 28

Awful Analysis: I love the Humanitarian Bowl because both teams are disoriented from playing on the “Smurf Turf” of Boise State. Boise State home games cannot be watched in HD without getting a headache. The blue is just too bright. Pat Hill’s fu manchu mustache is something an extra in a Steven Segal movie might wear.

Brut Sun Bowl
Oregon 56
South Florida 21

Awful Analysis: Where was this Oregon team when I needed them to keep Ohio State out of the BCS Championship game? Also, was their a team that fell faster than South Florida? My God, Matt Grothe became just another shoddy quarterback trying in vein to run the spread.

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl
Kentucky 35
Florida State 28

Awful Analysis: I hate the term “Moral Victory” but with Florida State missing half of their starters due to suspensions, they really played a helluva game against a Kentucky team that beat the national champions, at their place. The whole Jimbo Fisher succeeding Bobby Bowden saga will not end well. It leaves the players questioning who is in charge and who should they listen to. Andre’ Woodson, congrats on getting drafted way to high and flopping in the NFL.

Insight Bowl
Oklahoma State 49
Indiana 33

Awful Analysis: Oklahoma State piled up over 300 yards passing and over 200 yards rushing on their way to 35 first half points. Indiana really should be proud of making it to a bowl game for the first time in a while. Another stellar performance turned in by the Big 10!

Chick-fil-A Bowl
Auburn 23
Clemson 20

Awful Analysis: This game really was a blast to watch. These two teams really do need to play each other more often. This was just a great hard hitting game between two teams that are tough as nails. Games like this make me still love college football more than any other sport.

Outback Bowl
Tennessee 21
Wisconsin 17

Awful Analysis: This was another sloppy bowl game between two teams that were vastly overrated all season long. Phil Fulmer has to be on his last legs at Tennessee. Now with rumors that he’s bringing in the Michigan pu-pu platter of Scott Loefler and Mike DeBord to run the offense, it’s only going to get worse. Hey Ohio State fans, just think, if you wind up playing Tennessee in a bowl game, you might have a chance to beat an SEC team!

AT&T Cotton Bowl
Missouri 38
Arkansas 7

Awful Analysis: I really thought that Darren McFadden and Felix Jones would want to go out with a bang. I also thought that Missouri would sulk after being left out of the BCS. The lesson as always, I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. I still think that McFadden is the most dynamic player in college football and he rivals Reggie Bush in his game breaking ability. Some NFL team is going to get the next Adrian Peterson (instant impact rookie).

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl
Texas Tech 31
Virginia 28

Awful Analysis: A team I overrated all year (Texas Tech) beat a team I shit on all season long. I felt somewhat vindicated by watching this game because of my predictions all year. I just kept selling myself on Texas Tech and believing that they could string a whole game together when their special teams are laughable and their defense is shoddy.

Capital One Bowl
Michigan 41
Florida 35

Awful Analysis: I was so excited by this game. I secretly root for Michigan whenever they aren’t playing Notre Dame. Lloyd Carr deserved to go out like this. He’s a class act who will be missed in the college football world. Someone needs to make a youtube highlight reel of all of his halftime conversations with the sideline reporters. Ohio State fans may joke about your recent struggles, but let’s remember who helped nudge John Cooper out of town.

Rose Bowl Presented by Citi
USC 49
Illinois 17

Awful Analysis: USC just showed the rest of the college football world what they can do when they are healthy. The rest of the college football world just shit their collective pants at the thought of next year. Even though they will be losing a boat load of talent on the defensive side of the ball, they still have enough talent to once again be in the Top 3 next year.

Allstate Sugar Bowl
Georgia 41
Hawaii 10

Awful Analysis: Due to the Boise State miracle last year, Hawaii stole a spot in the BCS and predictably crapped the bed. They looked like a JV team playing against a varsity team. They were smaller, slower, and looked scared. Colt Brennan just saw his stock go from being a second round pick to being the next Ty Detmer.

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
West Virginia 48
Oklahoma 28

Awful Analysis: When Slaton went down early in the game, I fully expected WVU to fold. Instead Owen Schmitt (destined to be a future Patriot) and Noel Devine picked up the slack while Pat White played like Pat White. Keep an eye on Sam Bradford who will challenge Tebow for the Heisman next year and will likely be a Top 10 draft pick in a few years. He is the most talented quarterback Stoops has ever had.

FedEx Orange Bowl
Kansas 24
Virginia Tech 21

Awful Analysis: Todd Reesing and Mark Mangino make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It’s still nice to see that a 5-10 quarterback can succeed in a pass heavy offense because he has steel balls. Virginia Tech is still a team that’s a player or two away. If they adopt the Florida offense, they could score 50 points a game next year with Tyrod Taylor at the helm.

International Bowl
Rutgers 52
Ball State 30

Awful Analysis: Ray Rice gave an appropriate swan song to his college career, amassing 280 yards and scoring four touchdowns. I’m still trying to figure out why this bowl game happened. Did we really need another bowl game here?

GMAC Bowl
Tulsa 63
Bowling Green 7

Awful Analysis: In being from Northwest Ohio, I get Bowling Green/Toledo news every night. The interviews with the Bowling Green players were hysterical. They looked so uncomfortable to talk about how they were “excited” to be there. You could tell they didn’t want to be there, and after one interview I could tell that they were going to get waxed.

Allstate BCS Championship Game
LSU 38
Ohio State 24

Awful Analysis: Where do I begin? I think I’ll begin with “Geaux Tigers”. Look, we’ve learned a lot about each other over the past few months. If you know one thing about me, it’s that I hate Ohio State football more than anything, and I would root against them no matter who the opponent was. In fact, this is a direct quote from a conversation between my buddy Scotty (a die-hard Buckeye fan) and myself (not a die-hard Buckeye fan).

Scotty: You’re just pissed because Notre Dame sucks and they lost to Navy and Air Force. They haven’t been good since World War II.

AHB: Scotty, you just don’t get it. I don’t care who Ohio State is playing, I just want them to lose. If they were playing the Taliban, I’d be rooting for Osama and Amir.

My hatred for Ohio State really is so thick you could drizzle it over pancakes in the morning. I loved watching Ohio State lose, I loved watching their players cry at the end of the game. Their tears sustain me until spring ball starts, and replays of those tears keep my hatred strong and at the forefront of my mind.

Thank you Les Miles for once again proving that the Buckeyes are not ready for prime time players. Thank you for not going to Michigan.

Ohio State fans, I’ll go ahead and say it for you, “Fuck you Tim, Notre Dame sucks ass and that’s the only reason you hate Ohio State so much.” Not true typical belligerent swearing Ohio State fan.

This is why we watch college football. Because it’s the most passionate sport out there. You love one team, tolerate some, and despise the rest. That’s why we tune in every Saturday with our emotional state for the weekend hanging in the balance. This is why we “pre game” at home, buy jerseys, visit message boards, research recruting.

College football simply is the greatest sport on earth, and this season was shining proof of that. I’ll never forget this season, even if it was one that made me want to become a cave dweller due to Notre Dame’s 3-8 clusterfuck. But you know what, I’ll be back for spring ball and I’ll talk myself into this team all summer until September hits, and on September 6th, Notre Dame opens up with San Diego State, and I’ll fall back in love with the sport all over again.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.