In case you haven’t heard, the NFL season is coming to a close this Sunday when some team from New England will face the mighty New York Giants in Phoenix for Super Bowl XLII. The game, which is two weeks after the championship games for both conferences, has been receiving more media attention than Britney Spears if she was found trying to sneak into Heath Ledger’s coffin.
And, personally, I love it. With 14 full days to talk about two teams playing one game I think there is just enough time to really get the story. Mega-networks like ESPN have even had the time to rate every single player on each team’s roster.
All the hype is what sports are about, after all. Remember, merit means nothing in sports, what matters is marketing and really loud and underqualified columnists (Stephen A. Smith anyone?) talking over one another about football.
With that, I bring the 2007 NFL All-Hype Team*. This is the first team to award players on what matters – hype and hype alone. Don’t look for a gaggle of Hall of Famers or team leaders on this list, you won’t find it. Instead what you’ll find is the guys your girlfriend has heard of.
* Note that being on the all-hype team doesn’t mean a player is terrible, and being highly hyped doesn’t mean a player is on the all-hype team. The basis of these selections is unwarranted attention and affection on players who have not earned the merit. A classic example of this hype – even if you like the player’s potential – is having both a national and local advertising campaign surrounding a player who has yet to start an NFL game. It should also be noted that the all-hype list is not entirely faulting the players – though they agree to the promotion on varying levels – it is just pointing out that Reggie Bush gets much more national attention than Joseph Addai, though actual football merits suggest the opposite should be true.
Also Note that there are no linemen on the list. Though linemen can come in with a lot of hoopla and fail to live up to it (Robert Gallery hang your head in shame), the average fan gets bored of hype around any kind of lineman in about 45 seconds because he or she lacks the ability to quantifiably decide if a lineman is under or over performing. The hype list is about fans believing that a player is worthy of national attention when, if they really paid attention, they would see the player doesn’t deserve it. Also note that some players are slightly out of position – the all-hype offense has two running backs and no full back - this is because hype is lent more to glamour positions than workman positions – few NFL draft previews circle the top FB on any team’s board – and so what is compiled here is how the average fan would make up a team.
OFFENSE:
QB – Brady Quinn, Cleveland Browns
Two commercials before you even start your first game? Just how many commercials did starting quarterback and Pro Bowl alternate Derek Anderson have? As much as it pains me to put the DreamBoat on the list, do these season numbers warrant the national attention he gets: 3-for-8 passing for 45 yards in one game.
RB – Reggie Bush, New Orleans Saints
Few non-Cleveland players pass what I like to call the ‘Clare Test’ with more flying colors than Bush. Here’s how the test works: When a pro athlete comes on television I ask my Resident Lady Friend if she knows who they are and what sport they play. If she can answer both, you pass. Bush, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Randy Moss are the only non-Browns NFL players to pass the test so far. Of that group, Bush has the most paltry numbers, totaling fewer than 1,200 yards rushing in two season.
RB – Cedric Benson, Chicago Bears
Benson was given the keys to the Bears running game and promptly pulled a Rex Grossman. After the team shoved Thomas Jones out the door to give Benson the full-time job he was a considerable bust. It didn’t help that the Bears were also a bust.
WR – Ted Ginn Jr., Miami Dolphins
The hype is not all Ginn’s fault, and maybe the failure to produce isn’t either. Still, being the No. 9 pick in the NFL draft was the highest merit Ginn received all year. An underwhelming year on a miserable 1-15 Dolphins team left a bitter taste in the mouth of most Miami fans. Remember, this kid was billed by former Dolphins coach Cam ‘Cam’ Cameron (props to TMQ for the nickname) as a player who could change the outcome of one or two games per year. Maybe he should have specified which kind of impact he’d have.
WR – Calvin Johnson, Detroit Lions
He’s a freak. Anybody who passes on him is a damn fool. That’s all we heard for months and months before the 2007 draft. And the Lions, being the Lions, left their common sense in the war room and drafted another WR in the first round. Sure, Johnson played through some injuries this season, but his numbers (756 yards receiving with four TDs) were underwhelming. Though he could develop into something special, don’t you think the Lions would love to go back and take Joe Thomas instead?
TE – Jeremy Shockey, New York Giants
Shockey has the hype boost of playing in New York, which is like playing football on ESPN 24 hours a day, but his attitude only helps outline the bold letters around his name. Shockey is constantly in the conversation about the big TEs – along with Tony Gonzalez, Antonio Gates, KII and Dallas Clark – but he’s not anywhere near the contributor or leader that those guys are. Forget the numbers – which are inflated in an offense that looks to him as its No. 2 option – and look at the current success: The Giants are in the Super Bowl without Tiki Barber and Shockey. That says something about two of the most overhyped players of this generation.
DEFENSE/SPECIAL TEAMS:
LB – Ray Lewis, Baltimore Ravens
If there were a stat for most times piling onto a dead play and then getting up and screaming with an inflated sense of self-importance then Lewis would have to lead the league. Unfortunately for ‘God’s linebacker’ there is not. In the meantime, this aging dancer has gone from intimidating to mediocre in the last three years while somehow controlling one of the Ravens’ drafts and earning an inside role on ESPN as the guy who speaks about other players’ character – now that’s hype!
LB – Junior Seau, New England Patriots
Seau is almost blameless in his hype machine: He’s a once-solid player who was willing to take a lesser role to play on a championship-caliber team. But the fact of the matter is no linebacking core gets more attention than the Patriots, for obvious reasons, and he is far and away the weakest portion of that group.
LB – Jonathan Vilma, New York Jets
Four years into his career Jets fans are still waiting for Vilma to be the super linebacker they were hoping when New York drafted him out of The U. Vilma played in only seven games this year but was more Lavar Arrington than productive. He had 43 tackles, one interception and no sacks.
DB – Charles Woodson, Green Bay Packers
Long has the main media hype around Woodson been deflated, but he’s permanently stuck with the Heisman label. Woodson’s early career was bright, but the fact that he’s still in the NFL is because he’s a solid role player, though most NFL fans would still write his name on their short list of DBs.
DB – Adam ‘Pac-Man’ Jones, Tennessee Titans
Have you heard of this guy? Sure he got suspended, which probably hurt his numbers for the season, but even still his hype has far exceeded his worth. Remember, though he is a good player he makes the all-hype team because he gets attention for being an NFL superstar though he’s had a more than rocky start to his career.
K – Adam Vinatieri, Indianapolis Colts
Beyond my basic belief that a good kicker is a good kicker – meaning that a team’s situation makes a kicker famous, not the kicker’s special abilities – Vinatieri disappointed on even the most basic level this season: the so-called HOF kicker hit on less than 80 percent of his field goal attempts and essentially cost the Colts a regular season win in San Diego.
KR/PR – Dante Hall, St. Louis Rams
Remember when Hall was the X-factor, a kick returner worthy of his own Gatorade commercials? Me neither, but for some reason he got his own Gatorade commercials two minutes before running his way into oblivion. The biggest return name this side of Hester has two total touchdowns in the last two seasons.
Coach – Eric Mangini, New York Jets
Perhaps the only thing that got whacked on the last episode of the ‘Sopranos’ was Mangini’s coaching ability. After earning a title with the word genius in it and doing a guest spot on ‘Sesame Street’ Mangini’s team had people asking how to get to Rebuilding Street, the Jets finished 4-12.
Asst. coach/coordinator – Mike Martz, Detroit Lions
The Lions were going to win 10 games and be the new greatest show on turf. Instead Martz was sent searching for a new job. Again.
Honorable Mentions (guys who could have easily made the team and may just make the cut next season): JeMarcus Russell, Oakland Raiders; Vince Young, Tennessee Titans; Carnell Williams, Tampa Bay Buccaneers; Steven Jackson, St. Louis Rams; Chad Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals; Todd Heap, Baltimore Ravens.
Next week: Only 59.5 percent of those polled by ESPN thought the Patriots would win the Super Bowl. Let’s ask those same people who they think would win in a fight between an armed monkey and a blind goldfish.
-MoneyMike is S*KM’s most hyped writer, having done four interviews just today on how talented he is. Look for him on the cover of the next ‘Playgirl.’
Wow Mike, a lot of this I really don’t agree with.
I’ll just leave it at that. Stick to the Tribe, it’s about all you really know well.
Yea, Mike. If anyone knows about being all-hype, it’s Tim Foor.
Mike Vick? Where does he go?
No, no, I agree with AHB. Anyone who roots for Notre Dame knows a lot about hype without productivity. And how can you disagree with a lot of this? Compare the number of commercials per person on this list with the number of championships/MVPs won…
Thanks for noting that I know the Tribe well, though AHB. I like to think I do.
The last statement of my comments toward AHB should read as follows: Thanks for noting that I know the Tribe well, AHB, I like to think I do. Sorry for the broken sentences.
As for Mike Vick, I didn’t know what to do with him because he’s in jail and therefore all the hype around is ability is gone for now, though he was, until now, one of the most over-hyped players of all time. Unlike Pac-Man, though, he can’t even apologize his way back onto the field to underperform.
I dis-agree with your Shockey comments based soley on the fact that we are supposed to ignore his stats because he is the number two option. Ummm, so what does that say about Gates and Gonzalez who are clearly the number one options in their passing games and KII, who is also the number two option now that Edwards has shown up. And PLEASE don’t tell me you think Barber is overhyped. That would make me think less of you Mike. And you think Steven Jackson is over-hyped? Come on man. The man had 1500 yards rushing and 90 catches last year for a RB. I am concerned after reading this.
I guess I did a bad job explaining this, so let me say it again: too much hype doesn’t mean a player is bad, it means he has too much hype for how good he is. That makes Steven Jackson the perfect person for this team. The guy wrote on his own blog that he would get 2,500 total yards this year. He wrote it on his BLOG!!!!! I will take arguments for or against some guys on this team, but you can’t argue against Jackson.
If I promised you the five best columns you ever read in your life in the next five days, and then got hurt and wrote two columns that you liked, wouldn’t you say I overhyped myself - even though I put a good product out there?
And, Fan, at least I didn’t put any ‘Skins on there. I thought you’d appreciate that.
I can see the Jackson argument now. And i think you didnt add any Skins because they all suck aside from Chris Cooley who is the freaking man.