There is plenty of finger pointing in Cleveland this morning, but it’s obvious who should really take the fall: Romeo Crennel and the Browns film staff.
Derek Anderson is taking the bulk of the blame with some piling up hits on Leigh Bodden, Simon Fraser and the officials. And, sure, all those mentioned deserve a bit of the blame. But nobody can miss the fact that Crennel and his coaching staff did not watch films and inform this team about the football movie letdown game.
The football movie letdown game is a staple to all football films, showing the team on the rise in a road game in some unmentioned stadium against some random team during the stretch run of the season fumbling away the game with silly mistakes and turnover after turnover. It is a generic way to pad the losses of the movie team so that when those of us actually paying attention to the stats (that’s those of us who watch ‘The Program’ and question how what appears to be a three-loss team is still in the conversation for a major bowl), can be quieted when the team has to fight for a win in the last game of the season to get into the playoffs/league championship/bowl game/city series.
That Crennel didn’t see Arizona – the poster child for a faceless NFL team with all its market moves and random free agent signings – as this year’s movie letdown game is a coaching mishap that is basically unforgivable. I had circled Arizona as a letdown team the whole season, and even told The Zack, the man who knows sports, during the opening drive that this was the classic formula for a letdown game.
Think about the basic formula for a movie letdown game and all the mathematical factors were present: Team on the rise (the Browns) meets faceless opponent they should beat (Arizona), in random stadium (what’s the name of that new stadium?), at an odd time/day (a 4:15 start) but starts turning the ball over (four turnovers) which leads to shots of the other team’s coach (Ken Whisenhunt) holding a somewhat evil scowl on his face to show that even though his team is less talented they have mettle. It was all so obvious!
The good news remains that the Browns are 7-5 with a decent spot in the wild card race and a favorable schedule down the stretch. Next week they have the Jets, which I had predicted as a loss very early in the season for the way the Browns (with help from officials) cheated the J-E-T-S out of a win last year in that fateful Sunday night game. The football gods have squared away that bad karma by giving us the same break in Arizona yesterday, however, so a clean game should go to the guys in the orange helmets. Moreover, since the letdown game already happened, we have the benefit of knowing that a reverse ending will happen in favor of the Browns down the stretch. Since the football movie is based on teamwork, strippers, locker room scenes and earlier plot tie-ins, we can assume that later in the season we will win a game on a last second throw from DA to K-Deuce in the end zone. So we got that going for us, which is nice.
Brief Fantasy Note: A win in your fantasy league feels nice, even when the playoffs are no longer a possibility. I posted a pre-MNF win in both my Yahoo! and CBS league this week, improving me to 5-8 and 6-7, respectively.
While all that is nice, what matters more in a fantasy league is who you beat. In my CBS league this week I beat a team called ‘Blazin Amazin,’ which I lovingly dubbed ‘Blazin’ Mediocrity’ last season on the road to the Fantasy Super Bowl. After dispatching him three times last year, he jumped up and bit me earlier this season, nearly putting the nickname to rest. This late season win – which will end his already thin playoff hopes – by my below-average team will help the nickname stick through another season. Long live Blazin’ Mediocrity.
MoneyMike’s Green with Irony Watch (somewhat new item): As I mentioned last week, I am slowly but surely making the effort to be a non-polluting and thus worthwhile individual. In this process, I have been surprised by the number of people and companies who claim to be down with this movement. And I have been likewise surprised to find out how many are just playing the green card as a social tool. This watch will point out one piece of hypocrisy per week, which is in alliance with my membership to the AHL (the Anti-Hypocrisy League. Join now, membership requires nothing more than a stance against hypocrisy – what an easy stance to take!)
This week’s Green with Irony winner is Allstate Insurance Company. As you may have seen during the rash of Allstate commercials on the topic, the insurance juggernaut has rolled out a ‘green’ policy that allows $30 of your fees to be donated to carbonfund.org – which is about how much carbonfund will have to spend to wash out the environmental harm your car will do in one year. While this sounds nice, it is a waste of the term green.
First, the policy is on a list of things MoneyMike has long called against the spirit of the movement. The policy offers no benefits for going green, other than the chance to wipe your slate clean by donating money. That’s crap. If Allstate really wanted to do something positive, it would offer discounts for people driving hybrid cars, or give you a bonus if you drove less than 1,000 miles per month (the average driver logs roughly 1,300 miles a month). That would be a good way to save the planet. Insuring someone with a Hummer on this policy is the exact definition of hypocrisy! This is how we got to a point where polar bears will suffer: hubris that we can do whatever we want and then wash it away with a simple donation.
Earth to Allstate: If you want to be fiscally responsible but still use the term green, offer up a policy that gives discounts to people buying hybrid or higher mpg automobiles. In the end, those will help the planet and, though I don’t know how you’d get a study to prove this, I can promise you will get a safer driver. Those people who have an interest in saving the planet would tend to be better drivers than those that still drive Hummers or Corvettes because they would drive a vehicle with less power for damage to the car itself!
All that’s not to mention that on the company’s site for the Green policy, Allstate mentions that it will donate 30 dollars** with no further mention on that page of what the **s are for. Now, I’m no genius, but I’ve signed up for enough ‘free’ adult sites to know that if a site offers you something and then qualifies it with the **s you better find out what they’re for. It is a very easy thing for a company to put a big, impressive statement in the headline, and then disqualify everyone from that statement with simple sidebars. For example, next week we are running S*KM’s First Annual (first annual, another of MoneyMike’s favorite TV award words – how can it be both first and annual?) Million Dollar Award Day****
**** Award will not be given to any S*KM reader who meets any of the following conditions: Unemployment; living with their parents; possession of a car – or not possessing a car; anyone with brown hair – or black hair; anyone with two arms; anyone who has ever owned a G.I. Joe; anyone who has not filled out the 65-page legal release form in triplicate; anyone who filled out the form in triplicate but did not have their handwriting go through to the third level of the carbon paper; anyone who possesses either male or female genitalia; and anyone who has ever wondered if maybe they aren’t just a little bit funnier than Dave Attell.
Next Week: I will try to do what I promised this week, which is (fingers crossed) talk about how a Browns win continues to push the Cavs down the Cleveland sports list.
In Two Weeks: The First Annual MoneyMike All I Want for Cleveland Christmas (or non-denominational holiday season if you would prefer) Special.
In Three Weeks: MoneyMike and his Resident Lady Friend will be enjoying the fruits of another successful S*KM year while enjoying some time away from all of you.
-MoneyMike is S*KM’s most storied writer, having earned special mention at his day job as the highest rated writer on the staff. This honor has done nothing but continue to humble the already too-humble MoneyMike.
This was very reminiscent of the West Canan Coyotes losing to the faceless team in Varsity Blues while Thunderstruck played and the rain came down. My only question is if DA invited Charlie Frye to the strip club to cheer him up. That would be neat.
Awful-
Please don’t complain about refs screwing the Pats anymore. That game got handed to them on a platter last night. Another game where the Pats defense was exposed. I love watching pretty boy whine and cry to the refs every time he gets hit.
I believe the head-to-head is 2 wins and 2 loses.
p.s. DAMN YOU Jimmy Dugan…DAMN YOU!!!!!
I have no comment on the game Monday.
I am now starting to feel like the Iraq army general giving those bogus press conferences while American forces were right outside the city walls. The shell is cracking, but you can’t admit it.
“The game was never in doubt, I have the utmost confidence that we will crush the infidels for the rest of the season. A Super Bowl victory is within grasp.”