Since Lloyd Carr retired on November 19th, the University of Michigan program has been in complete chaos. In part because their athletic director, the much maligned Bill Martin, doesn’t really know how to successfully conduct and go after a top shelf coach; and in part because Carr did not leave behind a hand-picked successor.
Les Miles, the beloved Michigan alumni, and current head coach of Louisiana State, was long thought to have wanted the job more than anything. When presented with the opportunity, Miles passed and decided that being a God in Louisiana was better than being continuously second guessed in Ann Arbor. Miles is a done deal, it’s closed, he’s staying at LSU … then something strange happened, other people passed as well. Greg Schiano, the head man at Rutgers reportedly passed on the job, same with Iowa’s Kirk Ferentz (but his name is gaining steam once again).
Don’t worry Michigan fans, as a staunch Notre Dame fan, I went through this same thing a few years ago before we decided on Captain Cholesterol, Charlie Weis. I know how hurt you are all feeling right now, it’s tough to realize that your school isn’t as great as you thought it was. We though Urban Meyer, like Les Miles, was going to come in and save our program from mediocrity, only to be spurned. Currently they have also interviewed coordinators Ron English and Mike DeBord. English could be an interesting choice, but DeBord would be an absolute disaster. Michigan fans speak of DeBord like Red Sox fans speak of Bucky Dent or Aaron Boone … and they are forced to cheer for DeBord. Try to wrap your brain around that for a minute if you are not a Michigan fan.
Also, as a Notre Dame fan I can say this, it is not as fun when Michigan isn’t in that top tier of college football … and beating Ohio State every fall. So seriously, Bill Martin and company, pick up your shit, I can’t handle you guys losing to Ohio State anymore, I live in Ohio and they are becoming intolerable. Ron Zook can beat Ohio State, and you can’t find someone who can do the same?
Below are a list of potential candidates with their resumes. I then asked THE most important question .. Can (Insert coach) beat Ohio State?
If I had to pick, I would go after Brian Kelly or Chris Petersen, but that’s me, I have common sense.
God speed Michigan fans, hopefully you can find someone who can beat Jim Tressel, but somehow lose to Charlie Weis.
The Candidates
Kirk Ferentz - Ferentz is currently doing a magnificent job coaching Iowa into Big Ten mediocrity in the Vacuum that is Iowa City, Iowa.
Why?: Ferentz has done some things with the Iowa program and has even recruited pretty well. He is the master of recruiting the white wide receiver, so he gets bonus points for that. Is is a borderline genius when it comes to offensive and defensive line play.
Why Not?: He’s never came up big when it has truly counted. He keeps threatening to leave for NFL jobs, only to scurry back to the comforts of Iowa City. He could be one of the most overrated coaches in college football today.
Can Ferentz beat Ohio State? NO
Chance Ferentz becomes the next Michigan coach? 10%
Brian Kelly - Kelly is currently lighting up the score boards as the head coach at the University of Cincinnati.
Why?: Kelly is one of the brightest offensive minds in college football today, and he’s a winner. He has a career record of 146-54-2 as a head coach at Grand Valley State (2 DII National Championships), Central Michigan, and now Cincinnati. He doesn’t take any shit from anybody and is the picture of intensity. Kelly also gets bonus points for hating Michigan State as much as I hate Ohio State. As a head coach, Kelly’s upside is one of the highest.
Why Not?: For Michigan AD Bill Martin, it just makes too much sense. Kelly knows Michigan, can recruit in Michigan, and can take Michigan to the next level. Critics say he’s too gruff with the media (ring a bell of any recently retired Michigan coaches?).
Can Kelly beat Ohio State? YES
Chance Kelly becomes the next Michigan coach? 25%
Brady Hoke - Hoke is “sucking” the life out of the program at Ball U (AKA Ball State).
Why?: Hoke is Lloyd Carr’s “boy”. He’s got some head coaching experience, and he’s a “Michigan Man” because he is a former member of Carr’s staff.
Why Not?: He’s led Ball State, once a top tier MAC program dangerously into mediocrity. He has no experience recruiting on a major level, and we aren’t sure if he can form complete sentences. Hoke seems like Ed Orgeron lite. If he becomes the head coach, riots will break out in Ann Arbor.
Can Hoke beat Ohio State? NO
Chance Hoke becomes the next Michigan coach? 30%
Jim Grobe - Grobe is in the midst of turning Wake Forest into a relevant national program.
Why?: Like Kelly, Grobe is simply a winner. He gets the most out of marginally talented players, and it could be exciting to see what he could do with the elite talent he would be able to secure at Michigan.
Why Not? Like Miles and Greg Schiano (Rutgers) nobody is sure that Grobe wants to leave Wake Forest, where he is becoming a cult hero. To some, his age (55) is a factor, as Michigan is looking for someone who can stick around 10-15 years.
Can Grobe beat Ohio State? YES
Chance Grobe becomes the next Michigan coach? 15%
Chris Petersen - Petersen is keeping the trend going of top notch coaches of Boise State (Their last four head coaches: Houston Nutt (Arkansas/Mississippi), Dirk Koetter (Arizona State), Dan Hawkins (Colorado), and Petersen) with a 23-2 record.
Why?: Petersen went down in college football lore after his Broncos defeated the heavily favored Oklahoma Sooners in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl with an arsenal of trick plays. Petersen is an offensive guru with balls the size of “The Big House”.
Why Not?: Critics are worried that Petersen does not have enough relevant coaching experience to make the jump to Michigan.
Can Petersen beat Ohio State? YES
Chance Petersen becomes the next Michigan coach? 15%
K.C. Keeler - I know every single reader right now is going, “Who the fuck is this guy?”. This guy is KC Keeler, head coach at the University of Delaware, where he produces a powerhouse D1-AA program. His name has just recently popped up in the never-ending search.
Why?: Keeler runs a spread no-huddle offense that is terrorizing opponents. Being at the helm of a semi-successful program at the D1-AA level seems to be a nice stepping stone for Big 10 coaches (right Ohio State fans?).
Why Not?: He really does just seem like an arrogant prick. He wears sunglasses at all times, even at night. He says of his program, “We’re the LSU; we’re the Georgia, the Florida of Division I-AA” despite the fact that he has gone 6-5 and 5-6 the last two years, respectfully.
Can Keeler beat Ohio State? NO
Chance Keeler becomes the next Michigan Coach? 5%
If you actually had common sense you would know that it’s impossible to find someone who could beat Sen. Tressel and lose to Charlie Weis.
I DO have common sense, and if you had a brain, you could read it in the sarcastic tone that I wrote that part in.
Ohio State fans … sooooo touchy!
and sensible
maybe Michigan should hire Appalachian State’s head coach…that might just be ironic…
OK, I actually did a LOT of research for this column, and NOBODY had Rich Rodriguez before I posted this column.
I think the coaching searches are going hand-in-hand with how the season has gone so far … absolutely ridiculous.
Going to have to disagree on the whole Ferentz take. He took an empty Iowa program with no recruits or talent left and outside of the last two years, made it into a program that competed at a high level year in and year out. And I also have no clue where you got the “NO” when it comes to beating OSU. He recruits well for being in the cold mid-west and having to deal with OSU and Michigan in the same conference. There is a reason pro teams ask about him every year. I think they can evaluate talented coaches more than you Awful. No offense. But you bitterness over actually having an vastly overrated coach at your college has skewed your judgement a bit.
Rich Rodriguez frightens me. If he can get a physical Big Ten D AND implement his spread offense, Michigan will be a force. I am fully aware of the Buckeyes problems against the spread. One big problem for him though - He won’t be able to recruit all of the felons he normally does. (At least I don’t think he’ll be able to)
Ohio State fans … this really was the worst case scenario for you.
Rodriguez would have been my top choice had he been mentioned a day before he was hired. The guy is a winner.
Also, Fan, you words have cut me to my core.
I didn’t think you were a big Ferentz supporter.
IN ROD WE TRUST!