Before we get started, today was supposed to be the debut of “The Awful Podcast” but some technical difficulties have pushed this back a week. I know I make the weekend for most of you, so you are just going to have to be patient for another seven days.
After crippling every single team and player I picked last week, I’m almost terrified to write a column for this week. I think my streak is still intact, because while I was doing my revisions Thursday night, I was using this space to hand Dennis Dixon the Heisman. Dixon promptly screws up his knee and Oregon blows the game. Unbelievable! My jinxing ability even came into play for the NFL when I sent Double C a message at halftime of the Browns/Steelers game praising the maturity of Derek Anderson. I also lauded his check down ability and mastery in reading a fairly complex defense. I then suggested that the Browns top priority for this off-season would be to shop “The Dreamboat” to the Vikings, Panthers, and Jaguars for a possible first rounder, and at worst a second and fourth rounder. I wished him luck with the new franchise quarterback for the second half of the game, and the next ten years. Anderson promptly crapped the bed, which at first made me laugh, and then I became terrified that my jinxing ability would come back and bite me in the ass.
But as you can see below, I have chosen to use my powers for good instead of evil. While none of the Buckeyes are listed in my Top Five, my five fringe guys are the five keys to Ohio State winning at Michigan on Saturday. So Buckeye fans, I’ve put you in a unique position: fear the worst because I’ve thrust my unwavering support behind the Buckeyes this weekend, OR pray that I’m the genius I know I am and praise my picks. The choice is yours. I’m so happy to be rooting for THE Ohio State University Buckeyes on Saturday. Does anyone want to sing that Carmen song, whatever it is? Anyone wanna “Dot the I” with me in the backyard on gameday?
Somewhere Double C, J-Man, MoneyMike, Dave the Bocce Champion, and every other irrational Buckeye fan are smashing their monitors against the wall, and I couldn’t be happier.
The Heisman Memorial Trophy
Tim Tebow (QB – Florida) (Please look at the picture, now THAT is what a Heisman Trophy winner should have on his arm)- Sam Bradford (QB – Oklahoma)
- Chase Daniel (QB – Missouri)
- Darren McFadden (RB – Arkansas)
- Dennis Dixon (QB – Oregon)
On the Fringe:
Todd Boeckman (QB – Ohio State)
Chris “Beanie” Wells (RB – Ohio State)
Brian Hartline (WR – Ohio State)
James Laurinaitis (LB – Ohio State)
Vernon Gholston (DE – Ohio State)
On to the picks …
As always, the home team is in caps. Have a great weekend and GO BUCKEYES!
NOTRE DAME over Duke – I know I sound like a broken record, but I firmly believe that this is the week that Notre Dame breaks out. The underclassmen are starting to push out the seniors and take control of the team. Given what a cluster fuck the season has been with the seniors in charge, this can only be a good thing. Former atrocious Notre Dame quarterback coach Peter Vaas is Duke’s offensive coordinator, that alone makes me feel confident.
Big 10
Ohio State over MICHIGAN – As long as Mike DeBord is calling plays at Michigan, they will continue to lose big games. DeBord has yet to establish any type of offensive identity, and without a healthy Mike Hart, he has no real weapons. Look at the picture of Michigan quarterback Ryan Mallett to your right. He isn’t even looking where he is throwing the goddamn football. This guy is going to win you “The Game”? I don’t think so. Todd Boeckman, after his performance last week doesn’t exactly scream confidence, but he’s light years ahead of Mallett.
MICHIGAN STATE over Penn State – Penn State is in yet another tail spin after another off campus fight. What is going on with their program? Paterno needs to get the hell out of there before his legacy becomes tainted.
ILLINOIS over Northwestern – I am now a closet Illinois fan. This week I built a shrine to Ron Zook and Juice Williams for beating Ohio State. I never thought I would thank Ron Zook for anything, but he’s made me a happy man.
Purdue over INDIANA – Purdue should easily steamroll an average Indiana team. Purdue hasn’t really made anything this year look easy, so it probably will be close.
Wisconsin over MINNESOTA – Wisconsin caught Michigan in a trap game last week, but they got back to their style of football, smash mouth offense and a punishing defense. They are the prototype of what traditional Big 10 football is all about.
IOWA over Western Michigan – Iowa gets a break from the tough Big 10 schedule with a bottom tier MAC school.
SEC
LSU over MISSISSIPPI (Home Team) – LSU needs to win out to secure a spot in the BCS National Championship Game, and they know it. Mississippi has no chance of even slowing the Bayou Bengals down now that they are healthy.
GEORGIA over Kentucky – Georgia is peaking at the right time, too bad it’s too late. By the way, what happened to Kentucky? I haven’t seen a fall this drastic since Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake split up.
FLORIDA over Florida Atlantic – Tim Tebow now sits proudly atop my Heisman list, which means he might break his neck. You’re welcome Gator fans.
ARKANSAS over Mississippi State – McFadden let me down last week, now he must pay … by me picking him to have a HUGE game. Sly Croom is really doing a fantastic job at Mississippi, and it’s even more important because he’s the first African-American head coach in SEC Football history. Just thought I’d throw that out, sorry to go all John Saunders on you there.
TENNESSEE over Vanderbilt – Outside of Notre Dame, is there a team more overrated every year than Tennessee? Seriously, they have an embarrassment of talent, but never seem to produce. The preseason polls constantly have them ranked in the Top 10, and rarely they finish in the Top 20. Phil Fulmer is starting to sweat it out in Knoxville.
ALABAMA over Louisiana Monroe – I’m running out of Nick Saban jokes at this point in the year, but thankfully in a year or two when he’s coaching another NFL team I can come up with some new ones.
Pac 10
California over WASHINGTON – It’s such a shame that Jeff Tedford is wasting the most electric player in college fooball … Desean Jackson. Hopefully Jackson can keep the embarrassments coming for Tyrone Willingham.
Oregon State over WASHINGTON STATE – Washington State looks to be another team that will be in search of a new coach. Mike Riley and the Beavers are more than willing to give Bill Doba the death blow.
Big 12
Missouri over KANSAS STATE – Next week’s Missouri/Kansas game is looming large. At the start of the season did you ever think you would think of this game as a huge factor in determining who plays for the national championship? Kansas State is a few years away from realistically competing on a regular basis in the Big 12.
KANSAS over Iowa State – This could be a classic trap game for Kansas, but this group seems to be pretty focused on the task at hand. The scary thing is that this Kansas team goes for the jugular better than any other team in college football. If you get a chance to watch them, do it, they don’t piss around with opponents, they put them to sleep.
Oklahoma over TEXAS TECH – The Sam Bradford/Graham Harrell gunfight should be great to watch. The difference, Bradford has a solid defense backing him up; Harrell, not so much.
Oklahoma State over BAYLOR – Oklahoma State is probably the most disappointing team in college football for me this year. I was seeing them as a potential BCS surprise team this year.
ACC
CLEMSON over Boston College – Outside of Kentucky, no BCS team has taken a quicker tumble than Boston College. Matt Ryan, in this process, has cost himself millions of dollars.
FLORIDA STATE over Maryland – This one really is a pick’em but I gotta have faith in Bobby Bowden at home.
VIRGINIA TECH over Miami (FL) – From a friend of a friend who goes to Miami: “The team knew they were going to lose last week, even (Name protected) told me before the game that they were going to get their asses kicked.” That doesn’t really give me a lot of confidence heading into the Virginia Tech game.
GEORGIA TECH over North Carolina – Is this a pit stop for Butch Davis before another lucrative college job?
WAKE FOREST over North Carolina State – Wake Forest always plays their best football at the end of the season.
Big East
West Virginia over CINCINNATI – I thought about picking Cincinnati due to the fact that I keep jinxing teams, and a Cincy win would put Ohio State right back in the title picture, something I do not want to happen. Typing this terrifies me.
CONNECTICUT over Syracuse – Connecticut was a pretender all along, but they snuck into the top ten because nobody else wants to be in there.
RUTGERS over Pittsburgh – Ray Rice is going to be a solid, but not great NFL running back. He probably would fit in nicely with the Patriots, but I say that about everyone.
SOUTH FLORIDA over Louisville – Matt Grothe is another sad story. He came out with that Mohawk and was starting to win over America and some Heisman voters before he went ballistic and turned the ball over more than Ryan Leaf for the Chargers.
MAC
CENTRAL MICHIGAN over Eastern Michigan
Kent State over TEMPLE
BUFFALO over Bowling Green
Conference USA
Tulsa over ARMY
Tulane over RICE
Central Florida over SMU
MEMPHIS over Alabama-Birmingham
HOUSTON over Marshall
UTEP over Southern Miss
Mountain West Conference
COLORADO STATE over Georgia Southern
AIR FORCE over San Diego State
BYU over WYOMING (Home Team)
UTAH over New Mexico
TCU (Home Team) over UNLV
Sun Belt Conference
ARKANSAS STATE over North Texas
Louisiana Lafayette over FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL
WAC
Hawaii over NEVADA
BOISE STATE over Idaho
NEW MEXICO STATE over Utah State
LOUISIANA TECH over San Jose State
1A Independents
NAVY over Northern Illinois
WESTERN KENTUCKY over Morehead State
Now that’s Big Ten football. Rain. Defense. No forward passes. Buckeye win.
that was a nice attempt at jynx douche..but you can’t stop Tressel beating Michigan..and the call of Gholston being on the fringe for the Heisman looks pretty good after that one..fuck off
Thankfully my jinxing ability is gone. My Irish won, and I’m officially excited about next year.
Fuck all of you, we are taking names.
they beat Duke
I don’t care … it was the step we needed, all of our young guys were the ones who made the plays and the future is bright.
I’m back to drinking Charlie’s Kool-Aid.
be careful, his Kool-Aid is a mass suicide plan, where ND will then burn because suicide is a sin…
Hahahahahaha
My life is good, and not even you pricks can bring me down to your level.
You got the Oklahoma loss, now you just need Kansas to lose next week (which is possible) and UConn to beat West Virginia (not going to happen).
Missouri then needs to lay an egg in the Big 12 championship game, which also could happen.
So realistically, you have to root for UConn to beat West Virginia … good luck.
My life is great too. My hawks had an easy win against a bad WAC team and my skins, battling injuries from their best defensive players, beat the cowboys. nothing could be better.
What can I say Fan, don’t fuck with Orrville’s own Tim Hiller.