Saw*Kick Media

As promised, I have a full blog for all you kiddies out there this week. This one may take a while to read, so feel free to tell your mom to bring some of that leftover pot roast down to the basement while you read this and pretend to look for a job.

On the agenda for this blog: Asdrubal’s dominance, Braylon makes me look like an ass and why Tom Brady can go F*ck himself.

Asdrubal goes, so goes the Tribe
There is plenty of talk around Cleveland today of Kenny and Jake and Jake and Kenny after the Tribe’s 4-2 win over the Red Sox in Game 3 of the ALCS. But, lest we forget, the difference-maker down the Indians stretch run continues to be Asdrubal Cabrera, who came through with a 2-for-4 night in Game 3. The rookie second baseman is what they call a baseball player. He’s a born shortstop but The Cabbage Patch Kid is still filling that gap for us, so he’s moved over to second and become our strongest glove in the infield.

In case that didn’t give him enough clout, he’s also replaced a string of guys (including Casey Blake) who simply could not hold down the No. 2 spot in the lineup. I’m going to go Tim Kurkjian here and throw some statistics out that I’ve doctored to impress you:

- Since Cabrera’s call-up on Aug. 7, the Indians have gone 38-19.

- In the five games they’ve played since Aug. 7 without him in the lineup, they are 2-3.

- Since the postseason began, Cabrera is hitting a healthy .241/1/5 over seven games. In that same span, Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia, everyone’s consensus for the AL ROY, has gone .160/0/1 over six games.

- Though his .241 batting average doesn’t boggle the mind, Cabrera has reached base safely in six-of-seven postseason games, including the last five.

- With his RBI on Monday night, Cabrera broke the team record for most postseason RBIs by a guy named Asdrubal. He was already the record-holder in that department and, after his performance Monday night, there is no one else besides him in the top five on that list.
Joe Buck, get a new topic
I’m not one to bash national broadcasters – though I was happy to see Chip Caray get panned after the ALDS for his constant call of ‘Here come the Yankees’ – but Joe Buck is driving me crazy through three games of ALCS play. Buck, who has a nice voice and an upbeat attitude, is usually someone I can tune out well enough, but he’s suddenly in love with the idea of the Red Sox throwing Josh Beckett on three days rest.

Look, I know Beckett won a World Series game for the Marlins on three days rest, but, as his broadcast partner Tim McCarver tells him over and over, that’s just not the norm for a non-elimination game. Still, Buck brings it up after every inning. It’s like that’s the only story line he’s been given for the whole series. Yesterday, the Red Sox were adamant about the fact that they wouldn’t do it. Ken Rosenthal talked to them during the game and they said they wouldn’t do it. Tim McCarver said it would be a silly decision. So how does Buck start off the sixth inning? By asking McCarver if he thinks they should consider it now. That’ silly and annoying. It’s not an elimination game and the Red Sox have Tim Wakefield who Tom Candiottied his way to 17 wins this year. Give it a rest, Joe.

Did Braylon make me look like an ass?
Those of you loyal to the MoneyMike column (hi Mom, Joe, Elissa and creepy guy who sends me pictures of himself) know that a few weeks back I called out Braylon Edwards. Well, maybe I didn’t call him out, but I did ask him to explain himself. I asked him to explain the ups and downs of his three years in Cleveland. He explained them to me Sunday with a three-touchdown performance.

I’ve called Braylon spoiled, inconsistent and lazy in his time with the Browns, and I feel like I wasn’t too far off at the time I said those things. He has, however, proved to be a much different player this season. Is it a new quarterback? A new coordinator? Is he overcompensating for his alma mater’s incompetence? I don’t have the answers, but I do like what I’m seeing. I have a rule with all the players that I pick on (Braylon, Casey Blake, Donyell Marshall and the like), they can make me look like an ass so long as they do it while playing for my team.

Why Tom Brady can go F*ck himself
Forget about the 2007 season as a display of parity in the NFL. There are two teams that have a legitimate shot at winning this thing, the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts. Unfortunately, both of those teams play in the AFC, so they’re going to have to cancel the Super Bowl this year.

More to the point, though, is anybody else tired of Tom Brady as the media darling through six weeks of the season? I know, I know, I’m a self-professed Peyton Manning apologist who will give him a break for hocking every product short of suicide pills, but the ubiquitous Brady-loving is starting to churn my stomach. I understand that he is a great quarterback. I understand the Pats are a great team. I understand that he may knock off Peyton’s TD record.

I also understand that during any given week there are 14-16 NFL games being played (depending on the byes) and the majority of them get glossed over to talk about how poised Brady is in the pocket. Of course he’s poised in the pocket, he’s got roughly two and a half minutes to throw the ball!

Mostly, this isn’t even Brady’s fault (except that he is apparently fantastic looking – though he’s no DreamBoat – and he dresses well enough to get attention from that group of guys flirting with the man-card removal line), but I’m hating him more and more with each week. The Belli-cheat scandal has been dropped – though it’s one of the weirdest sports scandals I’ve ever seen, considering they burned all the evidence and then said everything was A-OK – and we’re just supposed to fall in love with the Patriots all over again.

Well, I won’t do it. I can’t do it. I absolutely refuse to do it. Here’s the nice thing I will say about the Pats: They have the best coached O-line I’ve ever seen. As a former fat boy, I know good scheme blocking when I see it, and I see it with the Pats.

Beyond that, every time I see a Patriots highlight I think one thing: The Browns are 3-3! Can we please get two minutes of air time to talk about how great KII and Braylon have performed? What about D.A.? If not for the immortality factor or Peyton and Brady, wouldn’t D.A. be a shoe-in for the AFC Pro Bowl through six?

Add to this the fact that I lost a Yahoo! fantasy game three weeks ago by the margin of Tom Brady’s passing yards and I’ve come to one conclusion: Tom Brady can go F*ck himself.

The grape stomping video
An old favorite that I watched Sunday in celebration of the Browns’ win over the Dolphins. Enjoy.

An update on an old friend
You know I don’t like to send you to other Web pages, particularly one that already gets a few more hits than we do here at S*KM, but a friend sent me this article on Tim Couch. It would appear that Timmy, who will always receive compassion for me because he was selected as the face of a franchise destined to fail, is a little bit out there in his effort to make a comeback. I will always defend Timmy, but being called someone’s ‘Frankenstein’ is not the way to find glory.

Go home Timmy. Go home to your wife and your large house and be proud of the fact that no one this side of David Carr could take the beating you took and still have the desire to play in the NFL.

Next Week: MoneyMike’s MLB awards, what I did for the Browns bye week and why Cox Cable should have to plant a tree every time they mail me an urgent notice.

-MoneyMike is S*KM’s only certified three-sport blogger. If you would like to see his certificate, please send an e-mail to cottrill.m@gmail.com

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