Dear Sports Karma gods,
My name is Chris Crowell. I’m a diehard Cleveland sports fan. I’ve tried to get your attention for most of my life by growing playoff beards, wearing the same clothes for weeks on end, and not moving for entire games – even when I have to pee. None of these psychotic attempts to gain your favor seem to work very well. So, I’m writing you directly this time in hopes you will finally grant my request. Let the Cleveland Indians beat the New York Yankees.
The New York Yankees are a dominant and fortunate franchise. They have 26 championships. They have been to the postseason 13 straight years. This year, when it looked like their storied run was coming to an end, they played like champions, captured the A.L. Wildcard, and nearly eclipsed the Boston Red Sox for the division title.
They have the best player in baseball, Alex Rodriguez. They have the most clutch player in baseball history, Derek Jeter. They have the most dominant closer the game has ever known, Mariano Rivera. They’ve got it all!
Well, almighty sports karma gods, they also have the highest payroll in sports ($195 million). Some people hate steroids for creating an “unfair competitive advantage,” but isn’t the Yankees payroll the true unfair competitive edge? I mean, anyone can take steroids (ask Jason Giambi), but not every team can routinely buy the best free agent on the market. Isn’t team success the true definition of the sport and not individual records? Consider this when picking who wins the ALDS.
Also consider, oh supreme wonder of the universe, my city of Cleveland. Yes, that Cleveland. It’s the city where the river caught fire. It’s the city rooted in a never-ending economic depression. It’s the city that hasn’t celebrated a sports championship in 42 years. It’s the city that gave the world Arsenio Hall. Basically, if you are into pity points, we should get a few.
But maybe you’re not into handouts. Maybe you don’t care about our past trials and tribulations. Maybe you have pictures of The Fumble, The Drive, and Game 7 in your scrapbook. Maybe you show that scrapbook to your friends at dinner parties and have a good laugh. Maybe you really could care less about Cleveland, which I must say, often seems to be the case.
But if that’s the case, then please sports karma gods, just look at the Tribe. We have two Cy Young candidates in CC Sabathia and Fausto Carmona. We have the most electrifying centerfielder in baseball, Grady Sizemore. We have a guy nicknamed Pronk. We have the American League leader in saves, Joe Borowski. We have a guy that wears a pearl necklace that is actually really good. And my grandpa will yell at me again if I exclude Ryan Garko, who is also fantastic player, from another column. We are tied with Boston for the best record in the sport. I admit we didn’t take one game from the Yankees this year, and I admit that after the last loss to them, I wrote a column leaving them for dead. But they weren’t dead! We have the best record in baseball since that time by at least 4 games. We’ve got some serious Mo, karma gods. Take that into consideration.
Oh yeah, and the Tribe has been built by shrewd baseball decisions. We don’t just throw money at our problems. We draft well, make good trades and develop our own players. Our payroll was a mere $61 million to start the year. We throw pies in each other’s faces after wins. We play like a team and treat the game with respect. You’d like us, I’m telling you. This team transcends all of Cleveland’s previous follies.
Sports karma gods, don’t let the Yankees win. Don’t let their fans get all cocky and obnoxious (well, more so than they are now). Don’t let evil triumph over good. If you do, I humbly make another request - that you pay for the damages to my remote control, coffee table and heart.
But if you smite the Bombers, I will graciously bow before you… and tell you why we should also beat those insufferable Rex Sox.
Sincerely,
Chris Crowell
P.S. Just in case you don’t read S*K, I’ll keep wearing the same five Indians shirts that I’ve been wearing since we clinched the division. Hope you don’t mind. Go Tribe.
You forgot to mention that they decided to take 3 championships from us already this year. I mean, 3 of the 4 major sports championship that have been played this season teams from Ohio have been in them and lost in terrible fashion. That is probably fault of the coaches, players, and us as fans being idiots on Dark Monday but I think we deserve something. Plus, the Yankees have the most non-fans of any team ever and the Red Sox are second.
Is anyone else having trouble sleeping at night? I’m wired until like 3:30 - 4:00 every night, and then I wake up every hour after A) a nightmare about the Indians losing in the first round/World Series B) an incredible dream about championship glory. This is stressing me out.
The Indians should ROLL through the Yankees. C.C. Sabathia finally gets the stage to show why he is one of the dominant pitchers in the game … and the AL Cy young winner (If he isn’t, it’s a travesty).
Just a bump in the road to the inevitable World Series triumph that Cleveland so richly deserves.
And I really do, because nobody wants to see another Yanks/Sox series.
It does get hard to sleep at night. I have feelings of pure excitment and nervousness at the same time, and I gotta say that’s probably unhealthy. By the end of this month I will most likely be either extremely elated or extremely suicidal. Why is that you ask? Becuase I’m fucking nuts thats why, Double C knows.
That’s it J-Man. Tim Foor should be put on probation. This reverse jinxing needs to stop!
I warned you Tim, I will not have any of that here at Saw*Kick. Don’t be surprised if your password doesn’t work tomorrow.
If you want to flat out state YOUR opinion on this up coming ALDS breaking down who you truly think will win, that is fine. However, I am not going to allow you to mock the sports gods an undermine the authority they hold.
Could you maybe throw in a little request from a cubs fan Double? I too have had it rought for quite some time now as a lovable loser fan. maybe throw me a fricking bone. i hope the bitterness from the fantasy baseball ass kicking i put on you doesnt prevent you from seeing where i am coming from. thanks.
I was starting to feel bad for Cubs fans, but then Sportscenter did a feature on you, and how everyone hates Steve Bartman. They showed people that basically wanted to murder the guy, and the whole thing really pissed me off. I know you don’t blame him, because we’ve discussed this before, but right now I’m down on Cubs fans in a more general sense. And if you think having ME root for the Cubs, or write about them is going to help… I don’t think you’ve been on this site long enough. You already have got it bad, no need to pile on more.
I just want to telll you Double C, that I will not be watching any of the Cleveland Indians games in hopes of bringing them the luck that you want…I willl ignore their games in hopes that it brings you the luck you deserve…
I agree wholeheartedly about idiot cubs fans and bartman. poor got was treated like a leper when about 10 people reached in to grab that ball. i felt horrible for him. but dont hold me accountable for others. i mean, i dont hold it against you that at one point you cheered for albert belle, who literally may be satan. throw me a bone man.
GO TRIBE….GO CUBS
Cubs suck. I hate Pinella, Lee, Soriano, Ramirez, Lilly, and everyone else on Cubs team. Also, I could throw a pretty good curveball in high school, and I am positive I could strike out Soriano and Ramirez by throwing a slow curve into the dirt, approx 4 feet in front of home plate. Idiots.
Good thing he removed Zambrano so he was fresh for Game 4. Sorry man.
Yeah. What the hell was he thinking. Talk about jinxing yourself before game 2. Moron.