Saw*Kick Media

[Sideshow Bob arrives at the Simpsons’ door and holds up Bart and Lisa]
Bob: Madam, your children are no more… (pause) … than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers.
Homer: Lisa too?
Bob: Especially Lisa! But ESPECIALLY Bart!

This is how I feel about the Big Ten Network and Time Warner in their on-going catfight over rights, money, and exactly how bad each plans on screwing the Midwest.

Most people seem to automatically hate the Big 10 Network. I totally understand that. A network designed to “serve the fans of the Big 10” only opened in two of the actual Big 10 (even though there are 11… stay with me here) cities. That’s not a very good ratio. That means a lot of fans did not get to see their favorite teams open up against local midget football squads. This doesn’t even take into account the surrounding Big 10 areas, like Kent, OH, that were frozen out of the coverage as well. This is aggravating because 1) this was never a problem before, you could always watch your local team 2) these are college teams. We should not have to pay yet another fee to watch amateur football. The Big 10 Network fixed something that wasn’t broke. And if you mess with someone’s Buckeyes, you have hell to pay.

However, I do think the Big 10 Network is a good idea. It will give coverage to other lesser sports, have talk shows about my favorite conference, and allow more sports to enter my life on a daily basis. I see nothing wrong with this idea. If this channel were put in my normal cable lineup, I would watch it.

But oh wait, what’s this? Time Warner doesn’t WANT to put it on my basic cable package. It doesn’t help Time Warner make more money. My bad. I understand how a company, which is routinely seeing its profit margins double and triple each year, would not want to help out the average person at its own minor expense.

I pay slightly over 40 dollars every month for my cable service. I get Telemundo. I get C-Span. I get several home shopping networks. Out of the 100 total channels I receive, I probably watch 15 at the most. Essentially, I am being taxed by a multi-billion dollar monopoly every month for a cornucopia of channels that I don’t really want. To get the channels I do want though, I need to take on the extra weight. Whatever. I’m not here to complain about that because I don’t really care.

But for two weeks in a row, I didn’t get to watch the Buckeyes. This has made me care.

Everyone wants to pile on the Big 10 Network’s greed, but one of the greediest organizations on the planet is Time Warner. They are allowed to operate, essentially, as a monopoly and screw people over on a daily basis. They pipe absolute shit into my home every day and make me pay for it. It’s good work if you can get it. But the Big 10 Network comes along, a channel I would actually watch, and Time Warner holds up the deal because it can’t figure out the best way to make this deal poke me in the anus. Time Warner could put 5,000 networks on its basic cable package and still make 1 billion dollars a year. It is virtually zero cost to them. If Time Warner is so worried about the cost of adding ANOTHER channel to its roster, I will help them out. I’ll trade them over half of the shitty channels I get and gladly accept the measly Big 10 Network in its place. Seriously, call me up. Let’s make a deal.

On a micro level, I’ll complain about the Big 10 Network while I’m listening to a shitty connection on my tiny radio as my mighty Buckeyes go up huge (3-2) on Akron at the half, but all of my real hate is firmly directed at Time Warner. I hate you.

Double C’s Awesome Poll: Week 2

Wow, what a blah week of games. There were a few high-scoring affairs, a few “upsets,” and a ton of lop-sided poopfests. Here’s the fallout (previous week’s ranking are in parentheses, like this text.):

1.Florida (1)
2. LSU (3)
3. Cal (2)
4. Wisconsin (5)
5. Texas (13)
6. Oklahoma (12)
7. West Va. (8)
8. Nebraska (14) / USC (4)
9. Penn St. (11)
10. Ohio St. (9)
11. South Carolina (NR)
12. Clemson (10)
13. Georgia Tech (17)
14. Louisville (7)
15. UCLA (18)
16. Rutgers (NR)
17. Arkansas (16)
18. Oregon (NR)
19. Texas AM (NR)
20. Washington (NR)

8,905. Michigan (1,568) / Notre Dame (1,567)

Taking the dive: (Va. Tech, Boise St, Appalachian St., Georgia)

If the DCA didn’t allow for the Championship Reign, LSU would be No.1. No question. I wasn’t that high on Va. Tech to begin with, and they had no shot of going into the Bayou at night and winning one, but it looked even worse than I thought. It got so bad that Beamer re-thought his stupid rule about not playing freshmen QBs and put in Tyrod Taylor. It didn’t help, but it was fun to see. (Remind me again what Beamer Ball actually is? Is it starting highly-ranked and over-hyped and losing crucial games against tough competition?) Seriously though, LSU could beat the Cleveland Browns by 20.

The Big 12 had a much better showing this week. Obviously, this conference has a bias against it in the DCA, but not as much as the Pac 10, Big East, or ACC (even though, for some reason, I’m enjoying Georgia Tech and Clemson a lot this year.) That’s why it is fairly incredible that the Big 3 (Oklahoma, Texas, and Nebraska) all jumped so high this week. Oklahoma impressed in a BIG win over a bad Miami team, but no matter how bad Miami is, it is impressive to smack them down 51-13. I’m still leery of Sam Bradford at QB because I don’t trust Oklahoma QBs, but maybe Stoops’ squad is worth the hype this year. Texas beat a tough, nationally ranked TCU team. After a weak performance in game one, I thought Texas was going to have trouble with the TCU defense, but they rallied to win the game going away.

As for Nebraska, they narrowly won a game Bill Callahan desperately tried to coach away against a disappointing Wake Forrest squad. It was an OK victory. However, the DCA loves fun match-ups and decided to move the Cornhuskers up, and move USC, which was idle last week, down. This sets up a poll positioning battle Saturday night in Lincoln! It’s like a steel cage match! Two teams enter ranked eighth… one team leaves (and then goes back to SoCal).

The other HUGE match-up that got the same treatment from the DCA was Michigan (0-2) v. Notre Dame (0-2). This should be a tremendous game. That last sentence was written in 1932, by the way.

I’m sure some SEC people are upset that Georgia fell so far after losing a close one to the Gamecocks. I understand that. I still think Georgia is a good football team, but losses are devastating in the DCA, regardless of the opponent. There are times a loss won’t knock the team too far, for example, a good game between LSU and Florida, but as it stands, SC was unranked in the poll last week and Georgia was sixth. But it’s early still. The poll is still meaningless at this point (because, you know, in a few weeks the DCA is REALLY going to matter).

And despite my Pac 10 hatred, I found it in my heart to put Washington in the poll this week. Oh wow, look at that, they play Ohio State this weekend. Huh. I had no idea. That could be HUGE if Ohio State could beat a DCA ranked team; at least as far as their DCA poll ranking goes.

Quick story about me / Saw*kick Spotlight Game of the Week:

I used to root for Kentucky-based teams in a secondary way because I have a lot of family down there. I did this for most of my life. Well, come NCAA tournament time this year, Ohio State is playing Xavier; my Kentucky relatives are in Ashtabula, watching the game with us. Clearly, we were rooting for OSU, and after all, my aunt is from Ashtabula. The Kentucky people decided to root HARD for Xavier and started bashing OSU for made up reasons because they know someone who went to Xavier, or something lame like that. Kentucky teams are now dead to me. All of them. Having said that, the Saw*Kick Spotlight is on Louisville v. Kentucky this week. I don’t think Kentucky will be able to stop Louisville enough to win the game, but Louisville’s defense had WAY too much trouble stopping Mid Tennessee State. Who knows? And even if it isn’t close, which it normally is because it’s a rivalry game, I want to see Brohm v. Woodson. It will be interesting to see if Woodson can fully emerge in a head-to-head battle against Heisman-hopeful Brohm.

What about Ohio State only being up 3-2 at the half over Akron?

No comment.

All opinions on Ohio State’s season are moot until this weekend. We’ll learn more about Boeckman (who, unlike some OSU fans that Tim Foor knows, I have supported) Wells, the receiving corps, and offensive line in this game than we’ve learned all year.

Brandon Saine nickname of the week:

Brandon “In” Saine “in the Membrane”

I can’t believe I’m going to say this…

Michigan’s abortion of a year is unfair to Mike Hart. The other day I heard some guy say “welp, looks like that takes Hart out of the Heisman race this year.” I suppose this man had a point because he was correct. Hart can’t win the Heisman. But why is this so? Hart is a great running back. Lost in The Embarrassment from a week ago, Hart ran for 188 yards, 3 TDs, and would have won the game by himself if his defense had their helmets on the right way. Can anyone really explain the logic of taking away his chances at an individual award because his defense is filled with underachievers, and his coach has been clinically dead for five years? What if the Wolverines still win the Big 10 behind a freshman QB and a shaky defense because Hart never gave up and ran for over 150 yards every week? But you’re right, in the end we should just give it to John David Booty because he goes to USC, his coach buys errrr, gets the best players and his team went undefeated.

I just feel like the purpose of the award is being ESPN’d. We can only give it to the most recognizable guy on the most recognizable team, regardless of whether or not he had the most impressive college football season. I’m not saying that guy IS Mike Hart, but it’s a shame that he isn’t given a chance to prove it just because the rest of the guys on his team performed like Britney at the VMA’s.

Hannah’s Under the Weather Picks and Quips:

Despite heavy opposition, and not being as “into it” this week, Hannah’s picks are here. Hannah is gravely sick this week, so bare with her as she toughs it out and picks a few games for various reasons. Here is what she came up with.

Maryland Terrapins over West Virginia Mountaineers. – “What’s a terrapin?.. A turtle? Oh, I pick them. Ugh. Boy, am I sick. If that one loses it’s because I’m so sick.”

Air Force Falcons over TCU Horned Frogs – “Pending their mascot falcon wears a bomber jacket like that cartoon eagle. Remember that cartoon eagle with the bomber jacket?”

Syracuse over Illinois - “I’m drinking orange juice because I’m so sick right now. I think that’s a sign. I’m taking the orange guys.” [Editor’s note: Once she was done with her picks she misplaced her orange juice and almost changed her pick. She found it though. Did she mention how sick she is?]

Iowa Hawkeyes shouldn’t play Iowa State Cyclones – “I don’t support interstate feuding.”

Ohio State over Washington – “Go Buckeyes!”

Tennessee Volunteers over Florida Gators – “I like that Tennessee’s team gives its time, but I’d feel better about my pick if I knew which causes they support.” [Editor’s note: Definitely not education.]

Fresno State Bulldogs over Oregon Ducks – “Is that bulldog wearing a shirt? Aww. I pick them. [cough, cough, cough]”

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets over Boston College Eagles – “Being on Survivor does not give you the right to have a “view,” Elizabeth Hasselbitch.”

Last Week: 3-5

A link to send us off:

Sam McGuffie is an impressive athlete. But will he translate in the rough and tumble Big 10? Can that question even be answered wearing the piss and blue? Jim Tressel and I are skeptical.

That’s all for this week. Enjoy this week’s slate of games. Don’t be shocked if Kentucky takes down Louisville. Pull for The men of corn over the men of Troy. Cheer for the scarlet and gray!

Go Bucks!

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.