Four penalties on one play.
Is there a more fitting summation of the Browns loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers in week one of what is already shaping up to be a painfully long 17-week season?
It’s not easy to commit four penalties on one play, but with temporary punter Paul Ernster filling in about as well as I would, the Browns made the first punt of the season a cornucopia of rule breaking.
And that’s where you should have turned the television off. Right there. You didn’t, of course. You would never do that to this team. Not when you spent the last six months of your life thinking of ways this season would be different. Sure, you said, it may still be a tough season, but we are on the upswing. God, you’re dumb.
There’s no real reason to get into the numbers, but let’s spend one short paragraph delving into them anyway. The final score was 34-7, which actually didn’t do justice to the fact that Pittsburgh could have scored 34 in the first half had the Browns defense not given some fight. The loss, the Browns 14th in 15 games to their long-time rival, finally gave the Steelers the all-time lead in the series at 56-55. Let’s remember that this is a series that started off with the Browns going 16-2. Let’s not talk about what has happened since then. Charlie Frye finished 4-of-10 for 34 yards. Then Derek Anderson came in and threw in front of just enough receivers to finish 13-of-28 for 184 yards and one lonely touchdown pass. Neither quarterback was impressive and the Cleveland faithful quickly turned to chanting for the DreamBoat – exactly what I had asked them not to do.
So the question that has to be asked now that we’ve all had time to sleep on the loss is, could there have been a worse start to the season?
In a year where the coach is on the hotseat, the draft actually sparked some interest and the fans were already riled up about the quarterback situation, is there a scenario that could squeeze the life out of the Browns more than a poor-quarterbacked game where the team gets kicked around by its old rival in the home opener?
The answer is no. As much as I tried to force feed myself the optimism afforded by the preseason – taking vitamins called Like Charlie Frye and Ignore Obvious Flaws in Romeo’s Flaccid Leadership Skills – it was all wiped away on Ben Roethlisberger’s first touchdown strike. And in case that first strike wasn’t enough, I got to see him toss three more just for good measure. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I got to make my now annual Roethlisberger joke about his appendix (‘Hey, everyone with a penis and an appendix raise your hand. Ben, I notice you didn’t put your hand up’).
Now just one week into the flipping season I’m already forlorn and jaded. What about this performance is supposed to inspire my confidence to a point where I even want to turn on the game next week? I can try to hold to the few bright spots peppered sparingly in between follies – KII’s solid start, the rushing prowess of Kamerion Wimbley – but they barely register compared to the ineptitude of the overall team.
In all, my initial evaluation of the 2007 season is this: Thank God the Indians look like they are going to make the playoffs. At least that will allow me the opportunity to watch one of my favorite teams have a chance at putting a 10 on the scoreboard from time to time.
Yeah, it’s like that.
-MoneyMike spent all of Sunday in a dark living room watching as the Browns embarrassed themselves and Tony Romo scored 35 fantasy points from Jimmy Dugan Squad 2.0’s bench. Why did MoneyMike start Phil Rivers instead of Romo?
I like the Blue Streak homage at the end. On the brightside, my 1-4 start that turns into mathematically incorrect 12-0 run is in full swing.
Someone make it all go away. Please.
It’s okay. The whole problem was on Frye’s shoulders and now he’s gone. With Dorsey as a backup now and Quinn still sitting in third, the Browns have nowhere to go but up! Right?, Uh, right?