Have we come to a point now where we have scientifically proven that there is some larger force controlling the fate of Cleveland sports?
I’m not saying it’s God, or gods, or karma, or any specific thing. But can we all agree that it is something?
How else could it be that on the day the Indians broke a half-decade playoff slump, a day where C.C. Sabathia proudly took the mic at the Jake and declared the Tribe’s work had just begun, the Browns would lose on a made-before-timeout-then-blocked field goal by one of the most clutch kickers in league history?
How else could the Indians beat the A’s – Oakland’s consistently successful baseball team – for a division crown on the same day the Browns could lose to the Raiders – Oakland’s joke of a professional football franchise. Those same Raiders came in riding an 11 game losing streak. That streak was their longest since… get this… 2005, when they also lost 11. Do you remember 2005? Those were the days. LCD televisions were all the rage, a rapper named Kanye West was everywhere you looked and people had realized that this President Bush might not be quite as sharp as they originally thought. Now, nearly one full season’s worth of games later, the Raiders were knee deep in another 11-game slide and we, to paraphrase Denny Green, let ‘em off the hook.
So, then, is it safe to say that there must be some kind of controlling force playing games here? I understand that the Browns are not that great. And I understand that Derek Anderson, as I touched on last week, is a hot-cold guy in the way of former New York Knickerbockers disappearing act Jon Starks. But still, the Raiders are worse than the Browns. That’s just the truth. The Browns aren’t supposed to beat the Ravens and the Steelers, but they are supposed to climb out of the league dumpster by tackling the teams that can’t get out of their own way.
For years there have been conspiracy theories throughout the sporting world. Cubs fans have goats and Bartman baseballs. Red Sox fans blamed a long-dead Babe Ruth. But those are sport-specific curses. What can you say when an entire city seems to be mired in something from an M. Night Shamalom movie (and, yes, I’m aware that is not how you spell his name. When he apologizes for making ‘Signs’ I will respect him enough to learn how to spell his name).
After all, Cleveland’s curse is one that spans across all three major sports. The Cavs have had a few fun runs, but have not tasted a league championship in their history. The Indians had a nice run in the 90’s, but fell apart at the goal line. The Browns won a few titles in the pre-Super Bowl days, but try to find anyone who clearly remembers those days.
All in all, it’s been a rough four decades in Cleveland. And every time one team finds a way to go up – see the Indians taking the Central Division this season – another team finds a way to bring it back down – see the blocked field goal from Sunday afternoon.
Again, I’m not pointing the finger at a specific religious entity or blaming a certain curse. I’m just saying that if there is a real life Ghostbuster to call, maybe it’s time to call them. If there is a way to splash holy water on an entire city, maybe it’s time to do it.
Because, frankly, I deserve to enjoy a nice Sunday afternoon to feel good about my baseball team winning a divisional crown, and that just can’t be done in a city where three hours later another team loses to the Raiders.
-MoneyMike is S*KM’s senior religious theorist. If you would like to talk about your faith, feel free to stop by his new place in Lakewood. Bring money.
You shouldn’t let the Browns get you down like that. It’s Tribe Time Now! No one paid any attention to the Indians when the Cavs were in the playoffs, so why should we live in die with the crappy Browns when the Indians are taking care of business?
Hank, that was one of the most logical statements ever made.
How could you not like Signs? Mel Gibson sober, that little kid from Home Alone, and that one guy who wanted to hump his sister in The Gladiator? Come on Money, what else does a good movie need?
Here’s the deal with signs: That sister-humping Johnny Cash playing dude with the scar on his face utters the worst line in movie history. You know, when the guy confronts him about being the minor league strikeout champion and he just says, ‘It felt wrong not to swing.’ It’s so cheesy that I laughed out loud when I saw it in theatres.
Plus the aliens, who are allergic to water, came to earth, which is 75 percent water. With all the strategy and skill that would come with interstellar space travel they never realized that the planet they were going to attack was three-quarters poison to them?? Really?? I wouldn’t attack a planet that was even a quarter of the way covered in fire - I’d end up getting burned. That’s just common sense.
That’s my rant on Signs.
Yeah. I agree. Dumb line. Although I do think he is a good actor, that movie was pretty predictable. I did like the ending though, where everything fell together….maybe corny, but i thought it was kind of cool how all gibson’s dreams meant something.