Every year I fully believe that the Browns will bring championship glory to Cleveland. This belief lasts until, roughly, the second quarter of the first game. The space where the belief once sat inside my soul is then replaced by shame and self-loathing until the NFL Draft. Then it’s time to believe again. Lather, rinse, repeat.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. As it stands, the Browns are headed to Phoenix in February! For those reasonable doubters out there, here are my top reasons for fully believing the Browns will win the Super Bowl this year.
Depth! For the first time since Charlie Frye had a Bernie Kosar poster in his room, the Browns actually have quality, NFL-caliber depth at several positions. For instance, gone are the days of the unathletic linebacking pu pu platter (I’m looking at you Ben Taylor). In its place we have Andra Davis, Antwan Peek, Willie McGinest (when healthy), Kameron Wimbley, D-Qwell Jackson, Leon Williams and Chaun Thompson (why not) anchoring the middle of the defense. Not bad.
The Law of Averages! Seriously. There have been 41 Super Bowls. The Browns haven’t won any. They haven’t played in any. Eventually this trend has to stop. At some point before the sun explodes and all of civilization gets wiped out for eternity, the Browns have to win a Super Bowl. I firmly believe this.
Defense! Despite a so-so preseason, I have confidence in our defense. I’ve already mentioned the linebackers. Our secondary has some decentish depth: Gary Baxter (hopefully), Leigh Bodden, Justin Hamilton, Daven Holly, Sean Jones, Brodney Pool, and Eric Wright. If we can get moderate play from the three up front, this will be a formidable side of the ball. Maybe we’ll actually sport a 3-4 defense this year instead of our usual 2 – 2 ½.
Jamal Lewis isn’t a corpse! Lewis doesn’t look washed up like I suspected he would, and he actually has some of his pre-going-to-prison-for-selling-cocaine moves. Who says there aren’t heart-warming stories in sports?
Offensive line stability! I know it’s crazy, but our biggest weakness may turn into a strength, or at least a semi-non-weakness this year. Joe Thomas has promise; Kevin Shaffer is decent; Eric Steinbach is a stud; Seth McKinney has potential; Hank Fraley is dependable; Ryan Tucker is less melancholy; and LeCharles Bentley can move his big toes. Good times.
Brady Quinn! Those two words just make me happy. I can’t help it. And it’s not only because of his boyish good looks and dreamy smile. I think he’s the best quarterback we’ve had since returning to the NFL, and my annual lofty prediction can only happen with his sexy right arm.
This team can’t even sniff .500-ball with Charlie Frye and Derrick Anderson constantly lobbing interceptions to the opposing team. I know it’s been an interesting strategy, hoping balls bounce off the other team and into our wide receivers’ arms (the Douche and Ladder, I believe it’s called), but it needs to stop this year. Maybe we’ll keep the run-to-the-2-yard-line-with-no-tineouts-to-end-the-half play though. That’s quality.
My prediction: My man-crush will anchor himself under center by game six. So, after we start 1-4, Quinn will come in, go 12-0, and lead us to the Super Bowl. If Johnny Cochran were still alive and became a Cleveland sports columnist, he would undoubtedly write it like this: “put in Quinn and let the winnin’ being.” Amen, Johnny.
Bird Flu! In an environmental science class three years ago, my professor said bird flu could get to the US in a few years and start killing people by the millions because there is no cure. If his prediction comes through for us this season, key players from the NFL will start dropping like flies in a few months. Thus, the Browns have a shot at the Super Bowl by default. How do I know Cleveland players won’t get it? All trends get to Ohio last – maybe the most factual statement of this entire column.
Sure it’s a morbidly tragic way to finally take home the Lombardi trophy, but I’ll take it - even if it means dying of bird flu right after the season. Hey, it beats the painful endless cycle of shame and self-loathing.
Go Browns!
Due to the comment silence, I’m assuming everyone is simply nodding in agreement.
*nod in agreement*
I am lathering, rinsing, and repeating.
Tom you are out of your mind.
What does that mean?
1-4 before Quinn and 12-0 after? I take it the trend of the 16 game schedule has also not reached Ohio.
6-10 tops…
Unless the bird flu thing happens. Then I could see 14-2.
Holy dog fighting, The Fan! He has returned.
7-9 why not.
And once again I am shamed by The Fan.
Interesting little tidbit. I am playing my new Madden 08 season with none other than the Browns. We currently sit at 5-0 with 4 blowout wins and one semi-close game against the Pats in which I hurt Tom Brady for the season. Brady Quinn is HANDS DOWN the front runner for the MVP and the defense is playing some solid football. If this game is prophetic at all (Madden Curse), I think you guys are in for a very happy season.
Two things must happen between now and Sunday though. 1. Quinn must somehow win the starting gig. The team is immediately rejuvenated and he leads them to a blowout win over those dreaded steelers and their cheap shot artists on defense. 2. Jerome Harrison must emerge as the starting RB for the Browns. He is much faster (92 rating over Lewis’ 85) and makes some solid catches out of the backfield. He is also much younger.
Oh, and the Browns must trade away Jamal Lewis and a second round pick for Dre Bly and they also must pick up Grant Winstrom either through FA or by trade, whichever way is needed in real life.
SO, if those simple things happen, good luck in the Super Bowl.
Forgot to mention….Congrats on the big win this saturday.
And great job to the Buckeyes as well.
If we all of a sudden sign Grant Winstrom I’m going to buy a ton of bottled water and can goods and lay low for a little while. That will freak me out.
i’m from Cleveland & I think so too… I hope the Cleveland Browns do go to the super bowl & win!
let’s go Cleveland!