Most people should jump right to the DO’s and DON’Ts piece and ignore most the nonsense in the 2nd paragraph.
I am back bitches. I am what I am, you can like it or love it. Wandering Scrybe elects to come out of the woodwork only to totally thrash everything about me. For some reason, a random dude from Cali decides he knows me based on a weekly article and a few radio shows and proceeds to annihilate me via his only post he’s made in the past two months. As much as I embrace the role of villain, that was a blindside hit. My persona is that of an egotistical jackass who hates the world. I am cool with that because of who I am. I do not typically trust people, and that can make me appear cold. But, anyone of my friends will attest that I am a great guy. They know me. You don’t. One person made a comment to the Scrybe’s article, that in order to have that fear of trusting, I would have had to have been through a lot. Well I do not need your pity but I sure as hell have been through a shit ton. I have only one person in this world who I completely trust, and that is my mother. I grew up a fat cross-eyed kid with a small lisp. Yeah, kids are real cool when you got that going for you. So I learned to tell everyone else to fuck off. However, there was one point when I was 17, when I realized I was still downright unhappy. It was then when I made the conscious choice to be happy, no matter what. And then shit changed, I found a great girl who believed in me and made me feel secure. Then I went to college. A place to start over. I got phenomenal grades and my personality was really laid back. People started to like me and really enjoy my company. Now I have a great job at 22 and everyone loves me there. So when I say anything is possible if you are ambitious (although I am starting to disagree with myself), that is what I attribute it to. The American people are a collective group of assholes trying to make everyone unhappy. However, I argue that happiness is an individual choice. I choose to be happy and enjoy the hell out of my life whether some random dude wants to belittle it or not.
Now, on to the fun stuff:
A few Do’s and Don’ts volume 2
DO NOT spend the night with a girl when you know you will be woken up by a baby girl screaming at 5 AM if you have an early business function the next day. Sleep is a must.
DO go out with all your coworkers and out-drink them 2 beers to 1 watching them get shit-canned while you barely catch a buzz. It’s not their fault, you are Irish and still practice(A LOT).
DO NOT call the controller of the company ignorant because he insists that REO Speedwagon is better than Journey.
DO challenge him to an arm wrestling match.
DO NOT openly admit to Beatty and Deacon that you have a streak of 7 straight nights drinking and remembering. Beatty immediately replied “That streak is coming to a vicious halt”
DO know that he is right. The streak made it to 8, then didn’t make it past 4:00 the next afternoon.
DO NOT take a nap no matter how much your body says it will fail if it doesn’t get sleep.
DO get up and start slamming beers. You will need to be drunk to get on your costume.
DO NOT punch Lindsay when she shrieks “GUYS WHAT ARE WE DOING TONIGHT! WHERE IS JULIE?!?” time and time again.
DO, with Paul, say in the creepiest voice you can muster, “Lindsay, (pause) You look great”
DO NOT be surprised we all get separated. This is a good time to propose my theory to never agree to do anything in large groups (especially if Laura Byrne is involved). Large groups never work. Snow White and K-fed haven’t had Viking sex yet. Chapic has stolen Tinkerbell. Britney spears is being distracted by a random ninja and construction worker who are both still in high school This ultimately results in an egotistical Irishmen, Chong, and Little Red Riding hood (who is actually wearing a black coat which I found baffling) with a dude who is leading us on a never-ending journey while our buzz totally disappears. If Chuck hadn’t have shown up with a beer I would’ve been at a bar by another 2 minutes. Never has Milwaukee’s best tasted so good. 
DO wonder if that girl who was dressed as a Russian mail order bride really was a Russian mail order bride or just too intoxicated to communicate to anyone.
DO NOT go out with Paul when he is really drunk to a party where none of us know anyone. He will inevitably pick a fight.
DO NOT let Paul drink at that party. He has already said he is too drunk and isn’t drinking.
DO laugh your ass off when he is doing his first of 10 keg stands a mere 60 seconds later.
DO NOT laugh when the asshole hold you up for 38 seconds on your keg stand.
DO appreciate that Paul called his shot Babe Ruth style. 
Paul: “Hey, I am gonna pick a fight with that guy.”
Dani: “How”
Paul: “I’m gonna grind on his girlfriend”
Paul walks over and does so.
Bewildered girl: “You should probably stop that”
Paul: “Ok, that’s probably good because I would rather dome myself than keep looking at you.”
DO NOT be surprised that fight mentioned is about to take place and it is 2 dudes and a girl versus an entire party of people you don’t know.
DO as you are being kicked out of the party stand there and say “Fuck you” to the guy over and over again refusing to leave.
DO NOT let Dani kick the one dude in the balls. (Although I probably should have let her, she had one of those totally maniacally unstable looks that I have only seen one other time when I thought Leggett was about to end my life. Plus it wouldve been fucking hysterical for little red(black) riding hood kick a dude in the family jewels.)
DO refuse to allow Paul to sleep in his own bed by insisting his seat is taken.
DO NOT be surprised when you walk downstairs to pee that Paul and Lindsay are 69ing (with their clothes on) on the couch. Paul claims Lindsay initiated. I believe him.
DO take Beatty’s idea to start by drinking Sparks the next morning at 10:00 AM.
DO NOT be surprised that the idea gets contagious and seems attractive to both Paul and Jones in a small amount of time.
DO realize your streak is about to come to a vicious halt b/c of the early start.
DO NOT listen to anybody wearing a pink shirt with rattlesnakes on it when he suggests drinking all the wounded soldiers at 2:00. You will get one of the flattest ones and it will cause you to hurl.
DO let some dude you have never met take your car to Athens vowing you will catch up with them later in the day when you are done with your power 77 (Power hour that is 1:17)
DO NOT drive 81 on the freeway when you have 4 idiots in the backseat drinking.
DO be proud of Jones ability to stay still in the trunk when the cop was walking by the car. Incredibly impressive.
DO NOT be surprised by the massive amount of beer consumed by just 4 guys and a girl before the sun even set. It was quite the feat.
Believe it or not, the last thing I remember from Saturday is stopping at Speedway and getting tall boys. I have vague memories of passing out at OU, getting up and everyone saying “hey man, you are alive???”, distinct memories of the chaotic domestic disturbance, I remember Robby giggling like a girl whenever I asked where my costume was, and I know I was drunk, but I am fairly certain I saw Mickey as a black man. My Sunday was just as sloppy in the morning and resulted in a guy working at McDonald’s refusing to throw away my Wendy’s cup like he was the king of the world. Jon inexplicably drove back from OU when he doesn’t have a license. There were 3 single guys in the car who were up and listened to Snow Patrol like 10 times making it the most depressing thing of the day. Scratch that. The dude w/ the girlfriend in the car looked like he got hit by a truck as we had to continually ensure he had a pulse. At 1:00 I vowed never to drink again. At 4:15 I had my first Budweiser en route to a victory at Browns Stadium. Only in Cleveland will a town become ecstatic over a 2-5 team. If anyone has memories of Saturday night that my brain obviously filed away not ready for my retrieval, feel free to post in the comments. I will randomly re-post my old articles too. I am feeling a surprise Cavs article tomorrow or Wednesday. Peace out homies.
You forgot the part on saturday night where we left you passed out on the couch with some girl pouring beer all over you. You did not move.. then some how made it to the party we were at and found me. I don’t remember how or when we got to courtside, but you again found me getting a mass amount of free drinks out of a 40 year old man, and insisted that you would not leave my side until I gave you a free beer. Then I only remember someone telling me they found you in Robbie’s hallway peeing in a bucket because you didn’t know where you were.
Well, let’s seeeee here….
“Wandering Scrybe elects to come out of the woodwork only to totally thrash everything about me.” - Nope, sorry buddy, but 1 post out of 3 doesn’t count as all about you. In fact, I wasn’t going to say anything more about you until now.
“For some reason, a random dude from Cali decides he knows me based on a weekly article and a few radio shows…” - I clearly defined the reason: you ditched J-Man and SawKick radio on two occasions. Still no apology and the only excuse being that you had other undefined obligations to another friend. Twice aparently. I never claimed to know you, only to chastise you for your lack of character and integrity.
“…and proceeds to annihilate me…” - Thanks for conceded to defeat. Probably should leave a sleeping dog lay at this point though.
“Well I do not need your pity but I sure as hell have been through a shit ton.” - Welcome to the club. Everyone has been there. It’s still no justification for your behavior.
“So I learned to tell everyone else to fuck off.” - Obviously you’ve lost that skill, assuming you ever had it. I would provide further quotation, but that would simply be re-posting the vast majority of your comments to my article. You took what I said seriously. You took what others said seriously. How do we know this? The time and effort you put into your responses, the friendship you threatened to cut off, and the lawsuit you threatened behind the scenes.
So boys and girls, go check out my article “‘R.D.’ Stands For…” in the archives if you care for more details. But, unless everyone takes internet articles as seriously as Mr Mamba here, I doubt I’ll see any more activity on that piece of work.
Sorry buddy, you’re not fooling anyone.
As far as I am concerned, I dont believe any of that could have possibly occurred. It seems like a far fetched lie to me. But on a side not, i do not have the slightest idea how I got back up and made it anywhere anyone was b/c my cell phone had died so I didnt make any calls from it so it was purely lucky roaming.
And as for the scrybe, you did get the best out of me initially, for some inexplicable reason. But 1 out of 3 gets me in the MLB hall of fame too, so all about me is accurate enough to prove a point.
I will trade you the “villian” title for “the only girl”. Your title looks like more fun than mine. I’m not gonna lie I didn’t get any of this article….it was many insides jokes I didn’t get. But I’m sure your friends thought it was halarious. And it sounds like you had a great weekend.
My apologies, I was aware that there were too many inside jokes, but I still found it to be important to write it for them. The next ones will be more appealing to the masses. but in the mean time, Whoops.
People didnt have to understand anything in this article….as long as they made it to “At 4:15 I had my first Budweiser en route to a victory at Browns Stadium. Only in Cleveland will a town become ecstatic over a 2-5 team” they should walk away happy. Brought a little tear to my eye. I cant help but feel my article helped inspire it all in some way too….but thats just me. Go Browns.
Also, you want a true winner in the stupid ass Mamba v Scrybe fight? Mamba. Here’s why: Buckeyes- #1, USC- #9 or 10, or whogivesashit. Does anything else really matter? I think not. Nice game against Oregon State, USC. Fuck the Trojans and go Bucks!
mamba is a douche. Nuff said about that. bury the hatchet now. Get over it. deal with it. you burned a friend. quit bringing up the past. Just know that it is known. And if you have any tact, apologize.
by the way, the DOs and DONTS was funny.
You sound like a real winner, Mamba. You may wanna think about growing up. Getting drunk, passing out, blacking out, driving, and bragging about it is extremely immature and ridiculous. What is more pathetic is the fact that people actually read this regularly and think its funny. They are only setting you up for failure. You are far from funny (or secure with yourself). If you feel the need to brag everyone how “fucked up i was” then obviously you have some serious esteem issues. Maybe instead of turning to the bottle next time you feel like shit about yourself, you should turn to a professional therapist. You need help, seriously. It is scary that adults (or so you consider yourself) can continue to partake in these pathetic activities, probably the reason why you are not taken seriously and people think you are a big joke. You sound like you have an alcohol problem, that is nothing to brag about.
You will never change, no one does.
Good luck with your life - the odds are stacked against you.
Cheers.
Some people need to understand the goal of this website is entertainment and fun. Writers such as myself tend to embellish in order to become more comedic and entertaining. The goal was to be funny, not to brag. Check your seriousness at the door or stay away from sawkick.
The person who wrote as Annoyed and didnt identifey themselves is a stupid ass. Way to go to an article thats in the archives and comment like a big shot. F off and never come back here. And if you do, you’re an idiot. I wish I was so important that I wrote on old articles to look tough and bash people. Oh wait, I guess I am. Whoops, looks like I’m a pathetic loser. Just call me Annoyed.
Double C may be the greatest thing not named Troy Smith or Jim Tressel
IiiiI have to agree with Annoyed. Except to say that I sense that there is an awesome person well preserved under those alcohol fumes. Get some sunshine Mambo, see the light. You really are ok without the buzz! Come on……………….before it’s two late.
-
I have to agree with Annoyed to a certain extent, except to say that I sense their is an awesome person well preserved under those alcohol fumes. Come on Mambo, get some sunshine, see the light. You are perfectly ok without the buzz. Are you with me?
I love you man,
Clammo
Haha. Well im glad to ellicit such a response.
As clammo noted - I am sure there is a wonderful person there. It is just sad to see him be hidden under the “buzz”
Seriously, good luck to you Mamba - you’ll get your shit together
(if you want to).
And good luck to all your readers that enjoy these “embelleshed” stories of drunken antics. Beats me.
And as per the request of Double C - Annoyed checked out. (for good)
Peace & Merry Christmas to all
As Jesus said to the lambs:
BAAAAAAAAH humbug!
Marry Chrismas, Happy Fanicula, and a Tooty Frooty Nude Year to all!
Raise your glasses and see the eternal light of heaven shining forth on your hair.
Love and holiday crackers,
Clammo
Hey Clammo why don’t you share your insane comments with the rest of the Saw*Kick Family? Don’t just limit yourself to this particular post. Share your nutty wealth.
Whoa, Jaybird……..
Not sure you are yet as interesting as the MamboKing. However, it seems that you think me insane. Mambo, whatcha think about this?
Still, I hope that the new day dawns on you while you are still in bed. It’s better that way.
love and warm blankets to all wet ones,
clammo